15 Lies Every Nigerian Woman Has Heard.

by Jide Okonjo 15 days ago in pop culture

Ladies, how many have you heard?

15 Lies Every Nigerian Woman Has Heard.

Ladies, how many have you heard?

As a guy, you really think you're unique and your own game is different from and cannot be compared to what your ancestors have been doing...until you enter the game.

When I tell you, even you will be shocked when you find yourself using some of these lines that even your father's great grandfather used in his own time in his own way.

Ladies, bear with us. There are only so many lines in the book so we use what we know, sometimes even unconsciously.

And if I'm using it, and Tom is using it, and Elvis is using it, and Damiete is using it...then surely, you have probably heard it at least once in your life.

These are 15 Lies Every Nigerian Woman Has Heard. I'll love to hear how many you've heard. Leave a comment on my Facebook post so I can see.

Ready to jump in? Let's go.

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1. You look familiar.

A. Nigerian. Classic!

It's a lie. 9 times out of 10, it's a lie. It's just a means to strike up a conversation. From personal experience though I can tell you that it is very effective so I don't think it's going to be going out of style anytime soon.

2. I was just calling to ask if you've eaten

Okay, but the number of women who have done this though! If this person is you, raise your hand.

We are all in this boat. "Have you eaten?" is the question everybody asks when you just kinda want to hear somebody's voice but don't really have anything to say. If anybody is calling you out of the blue for no rhyme or reason to ask you "Have you eaten?", 9 out of 10 times it means that person likes you. That is Nigerian flirting for you.

3. No oh, she's just a colleague.

Or friend. Or church member. Or something that is always platonic so the woman shouldn't be worried.

Woman, be worried.

It's never just a colleague. It's never just a friend. If 5 and 6 is not adding up to 11, then something is definitely wrong.

4. It's nobody

This is an extension of above. This is usually used more when the person is either texting or talking or doing something on their phone or laptop. It goes:

**Amadi smiling and chatting on phone**

Sandra: Who are you talking to?

Amadi: It's nobody.

Sandra, I can tell you now for free: It's not nobody!

5. Believe Me / Trust Me.

This piece of ammunition has been used to gaslight many many women all over the world. This is usually deployed when the man is cornered and has spun some kind of unbelievable lie that the woman can't believe so she's called him out on it.

When there's nothing else for him to say, then it's "You never trust me?", "Why can't you believe me?", "Trust me, it's a friend", "Believe me, it's my mother's colleague."

9 times out of 10, there is nothing to trust or believe here. Trust me. 🤣

6. I was going to call you / I was just about to call you.

He wasn't going to call you. 9 times out of 10, I can bet you he wasn't going to call you. Especially when it's you who calls and then the first thing the other person says is: "Heyyy, I was just about to call you."

It's a lie. We were not about to do anything.

7. My phone died.

Or Network is bad. Any phone related matter...9 times out of 10, it's a lie. I can tell you this one for free because even you reading, I writing, all of us and our friends, siblings, and parents have used this line.

That phone didn't die. Nothing is doing that network. It's a lie!

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8. I'm not really looking for anything.

Usually deployed around the first times of meeting somebody and trying to remove sex especially from the table in the girls' head.

9 times out of 10, he IS looking for something. And you and I know what that something is.

He's just telling you so you don't freak out and think he's a creep. But Cassandra, let me tell you for free...that man is looking for something!

9. I'm not that kind of guy/ I'm not like other guys.

Also include "Stop comparing me with your ex" to this list. Any kind of statement that puts the guy above the rest of the other guys as though his own book is the story we've never read before, it's a lie. Give him not more than 24 hours, you will quickly learn he is exactly that kind of guy!

10. I'm not talking to anyone else.


How many people have I told this one. How many people you that is reading have you told. We know ourselves, we are definitely talking to other people. In fact, as I finish responding to this your message now, I'm going to respond to the other three pending.

11. I love you (upon first 5 minutes of meeting)

Now I have personally never used this one but I know it is being deployed everyday on these streets.

You see a fine girl you like and you go up to her and as you're talking, next thing is: "I just love you. The way you are. The way you carry yourself. I love you."

Nneka, don't blush too much. It's not only you that he loves. He just finished loving Doris and Doris has not even reached her own bus stop yet. It's lie.

12. I'm headed that way too.

Ohhhh, this ooneeee!

I don deploy this one tire!! It's always effective. It's when you're talking to a girl and the conversation is really good and you want to keep it going even if that means straying away from the course to your own house. I've used this one scatter.

13. I forgot my wallet/ I didn't know you people don't take card.

I'm proud to say I have never been this boy.

But I know this is another one that girls have been hearing left and right, especially these days. Nne, he did not forget that wallet. He knew very well that this local kiosk did not take card. He is lying to you. Carry your bag and go home.

14. It's all in your head / You're making things up.

Another gaslighting technology designed to make the woman feel like it is her that's overreacting. 9 times out of 10, she is right and it is not all in her head.

As I've already said, ladies, if the 5 and 6 is not adding up to 11, SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT!


15. You won't believe it...

Anytime a story starts with the phrase "You won't believe..." just know it's a lie. "You won't believe what happened today", "You won't believe why I'm just coming back now", "You won't believe why I smell of women's perfume". As that sentence just starts, you don't need a soothsayer. That man is about to give you a hot lie, so brace yourself for that unbelievable story!

That's All.

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Until next time, have a wonderful rest of your day!

pop culture
Jide Okonjo
Jide Okonjo
Read next: The State
Jide Okonjo

Nigerian boy telling ridiculous, crazy, true, funny, insane stories about Nigeria and the world at large. If Vocal is the voice for all people, then consider me a voice for Nigeria.

See all posts by Jide Okonjo