Who Is the Culprit Behind #RallyDildo?
Yes, I wrote this article. No, I’m not proud of it.
On Friday, Cinco De Mayo, the New York Mets had every reason to be celebrating — they had just completed their biggest come from behind victory of the year, overcoming a 6 run deficit to beat the Miami Marlins. Someone, however, on the Mets must have partied a little too hard, because that night, parties unknown placed a large, black, curved, ribbed sex toy in backup catcher Kevin Plawecki’s locker (WARNING: NSFW images to follow):
Above is a screenshot of a tweet (since deleted) that originally circulated on the Mets’ twitter account. Quickly, #MetsTwitter sprung to life with memes and jokes about the #RallyDildo:
Baseball locker rooms are not usually known to be serious places, but the #RallyDildo’s appearance coincided with a long Mets win streak made the evident prank become a huge phenomenon.
But the big question remains: who is behind the prank?
SP Matt Harvey
Matt Harvey, aka the big, black knight, has already built up a bit of a reputation as a prankster. Remember that time Harvey asked New Yorkers about Matt Harvey? Harvey also happens to be a graduate of the UNC baseball program — notorious jokers, as are most college baseball teams.
Harvey also had the night off during Friday. He had the perfect opportunity — simply say he was going to the bathroom, disappear into the clubhouse, place the dildo when no one was looking, and return like nothing ever happened.
In fact, when it was announced that Harvey had been suspended for 3 days for violating team rules, it seemed to all fall into place that Harvey was the culprit. The timetable fit — the suspension had begun Saturday, so Harvey must have been caught breaking said team rules Friday night. And the Mets evidently were not at liberty to discuss the circumstances of the suspension — all but confirming that Harvey had done the deed.
Until, from out of the blue, some audacious reporter spoke up, asked, and was told — “No, this had nothing to do with the dildo” in what I am sure was the single most embarrassing moment of their professional lives.
Of course, Harvey could still be on the hook — he might be responsible, but was suspended for an unrelated issue. At this point, we can’t rule anything out.
SP Noah Syndergaard
Noah Syndergaard is widely renowned as a master of social media — his twitter game is, as I’ve been told to say, “straight [flame emoji], [flame emoji], [flame emoji]”. He appears as the obvious culprit whenever something funny happens with regards to Mets social media.
He’s also shown that dick jokes are not beneath him either. Syndergaard certainly fits the profile for the type of ballplayer to buy a sex toy and place it in the locker of a third string catcher.
There’s just one question: Was Syndergaard in the clubhouse that night? Syndergaard was in LA on Thursday seeking a second opinion on his injured lat muscle. He might have made it back to the game in time for Friday to join the Mets in the clubhouse, but perhaps he instead opted to sneak in the back door, place the object in question, and sneak back out. I wouldn’t put anything past the Norse God at this point.
C Kevin Plawecki
Maybe we are the ones being pranked. Plawecki had repeatedly stated that the dildo in his locker was a prank, and that it wasn’t his. But what if it is his?
Imagine the fact that you, a married major league professional baseball player, owned a black, curved, ribbed, sex toy, being broadcast to the entire world. Wouldn’t you deny it? Plawecki might be trying to pull the wool over Mets fans’ eyes.
Besides, if you’re going to spend all that time squatting behind home plate, might as well have some fun while you do it — right?
Alright, I’ll see myself out.