When You Feel Like You're Drowning

It's weird, the pandemic has become like the 9/11 conversation, do you remember where you were when everything was locked down? It's crazy, I was working in the last place everyone wanted to be at the start of the pandemic, I worked at the airport. I remember it was crazy because we were all getting mixed messages, wear a mask or don't wear a mask, we didn't now what to do. I remembered walking past all of the stores and kiosks and watching the doors close indefinitely.

The last store I watched close was a store one of my oldest friends, slash ex-boyfriend, worked at. I stopped to ask him what his next moves would be, like everyone, he didn't know. Each day, the airport would become more and more empty, the company I worked for was one of the last ones there. I remember helping people try and sign up for unemployment and then I remembered being told that we were also being furloughed. I sat on the bench, waiting for the shuttle to take me to the parking lot, I looked up at the flag waving. It was so quiet, there were no cars racing to the terminals, no more people trying to run to their flights, and no sounds of luggage wheels dragging on the ground.

When I finally got home, it was a little scary, but also not really. We just thought it was going to be a month or two and we would be back to normal. My neighbors were actually having a little party around the fire pit with a few friends, well that was until the helicopters started flying overhead. I have always been a bit of a prepper, so I already had a "go bag" ready in the basement. However, I didn't have a lot of money. I am a natural worrier, so I just worried about everything for the first year. I worried that we wouldn't have enough food, I worried about the bills, I worried about everything. I didn't have a job anymore, I already had a job that I got paid about $10/hr, now I don't even have that. Then I started to get a bit more comfortable with the fact that this won't be changing any soon, might as well get used to it.

When I finally got used to it, my mother's leukemia came back. My son, my mother and I would drive to the hospital every single day for her appointments. My son and I would sit in the tiny, blue Chevy Spark and wait a few hours until she finished. One day, we were sitting in the car and I received a phone call from woman about a position as an assistant, it was a remote position. When she said Star Trek, I was IN. My interviews went pretty well, but when I had to meet with the CEO, my interview was ruined by my then 3 year old walking in to ask for thing and jump around. I just knew I wasn't going to get the job and I really needed it. Nevertheless, he understood what was happening and he gave me a second chance...I GOT THE JOB! I have now been with the company for almost 2 years now.

I had a job, which meant I had money coming in. But this didn't change the fact the pandemic was still happening and bills were piling up even faster. The mortgage was okay-ish, but we knew it wouldn't be at some point. Then, our boiler went out at the worst time possible, the coldest time of the year. A new boiler would cost about $7000-$9000, which we did not have. This sounds crazy, but during this time, I didn't worry anymore. I guess I just started thinking, stuff happens. I had a few guys come in to assess the situation and they all said the same thing, except for one. Right when he and his employee were leaving, he turned and asked, "Do you get energy assistance?" And of course I did, I couldn't afford to not have it. He proceeded to let me know that I could let them know that our boiler was completely broken and they may be able to replace it for a small fee or completely free. If this man didn't tell me this, my family and I would still be sleeping in a house filled with space heaters or we would have been dead because of a space heater fire. I wish I remembered his name, I only remembered that he worked for Seider. I just wanted to thank him.

After the boiler, someone broke into our car and smashed out our window so we had to get that fixed. Things just kept piling up. Even now, things keep piling up, but for some reason I don't worry as much anymore. One thing the pandemic did for me was make me miss so many things. I missed seeing friends, going to a restaurant and just chatting for hours until it closed. I missed seeing my family for the holidays and strolling through a store for no reason, specifically Target. And I really missed traveling, although I love traveling abroad, now I just want to get on a train and watch the US go by. For every person who worries about your next meal, how you're going to pay your bills, I know it sounds impossible or stupid, but just stop. No, I don't make a bunch of money now, I still scrimp and scrape to make sure we can have groceries. I still hoard my check just in case something else happens.

And if you really want to feel more comfortable with your financial wellbeing, start couponing. Really, start couponing, it helps in the long run. Start buying the off brand products from the store, cook more, stay in and watch a movie instead of going out, and treating yourself is for people who have enough money to treat themselves. Yes, I know you worked hard this week and you want to treat yourself to a meal out or tasty snack, but spend anything that doesn't go towards your actual necessities will always come back to your mind when it is needed. Think about the last time you said, "I worked really hard, why don't I just treat myself?" After you spent $10, $20, or even $40, that day comes when you are hungry and your account is now at $2; that money spent before really would have come in handy. Just saying.