Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Unbalanced.
The Most Finalisty Final Four Breakdown on the Internet
Horrible things happened along the way, but here we are — four teams remain. The original bracket breakdown I wrote became an immediate cause for embarrassment. My wife left me. My daughter asked that I not attend her parent/teacher conference. One of my sons publicly disowned me through an article in the local paper; which was weird because 1) it isn’t 1823 and 2) he’s only four.
Jared WheelerPublished 7 years ago in UnbalancedIn a New NBA Frontier, the Portland Trail Blazers Provide a Cautionary Tale
Even in the new NBA, where positionless basketball and over-priced free agents are all the rage, not having a direction for your team is a very troubling forecast. Although it seems as though they are trending upwards with the young and promising duo of Damian Lillard and C.J. McCollum, the Portland Trail Blazers find themselves in a sticky situation. Let’s dive a bit deeper.
Kenneth WilsonPublished 7 years ago in UnbalancedYour Racist Uncle’s Favorite NBA Team
The New Orleans Pelicans just became your racist uncle’s favorite NBA team. Obviously this isn’t true — his favorite NBA is the college team he roots for. Exploitation of a youthful workforce for the purpose of increasing anonymous white septuagenarians is as American as gerrymandering or government surveillance. Or your racist uncle loves the Celtics. Celtics fans are like squares. Every square is a rectangle, but every rectangle isn’t a square. Every racist basketball fan I know is a Celtics fan, but not every Celtics fan is a racist. The Celtics exist on a plane of historical “whiteness” that is truly rarefied air. In 2008, Joe Willett of Bleacher Report endeavored to make a list of the greatest white basketball players of all-time. Presumably, it was written on a stationary Confederate flag before being transposed digitally. The list is all Celtics. Squares and rectangles man, squares and rectangles.
Jared WheelerPublished 7 years ago in UnbalancedAre the Chicago Cubs Back on Track?
It’s been one of the main topics in baseball this year — the horrendous start the Chicago Cubs endured in the first half of 2017. The Cubs were the first team ever to win a World Series and then have zero players on the All-Star team the following year. Well, they did have one. Wade Davis, who was not a part of the World Series squad last year. Kris Bryant was almost voted in with the last fan vote, but was snubbed by Dodgers 3B Justin Turner. The Cubs hit a dismal .239 before the break, which ranked them 3rd to last in the entire big leagues. It was a downright miserable first half.
Quinn AllenPublished 7 years ago in UnbalancedHow Many Wins Can Vegas Get?
The addition of a new NHL franchise has generated some interest and excitement over this offseason. General Manager George McPhee and the Vegas Golden Knights staff have certainly been busy, overseeing an expansion draft, contract negotiations, and an absolute barrage of trades. While building a new franchise certainly isn’t easy, and Vegas hopes it can field a competitive team, the Golden Knights have an interesting set of expectations ahead of them and will hope to perform well in 2017–18.
Kyle VandenbergPublished 7 years ago in UnbalancedThe Worst Mock Draft on the Internet: Part II
Lawyer on Retainer: Bad marriage tier two — a bad fit Pelicans, Pick 7: Malik Monk, Kentucky The Ringer How pissed do you believe Anthony Davis is on a regular basis? I had the worst series of thoughts about AD the other night. I worried that he was brooding concerning the plight of his franchise. Then I pictured him in some jazz spot in New Orleans; his body folded into a chair, willing himself to be invisible. What if his unibrow is no longer charming to fetching young women? I bet he doesn’t even shoot at nerf hoops with nephews. He probably drives around NOLA and smokes cigarettes as he idles next to a playground court. Oh God, he’s going to get into voodoo isn’t he? Davis is averaging 27 points and 12 rebounds, with over two blocks and one steal a game. His team is twelve games under .500. Lays eh lei wonton Kangaroo lay! Last year, the Pelis drafted Buddy Heild to space the floor for Davis. Hield had a terrible, no-good first third of the season. It appears he has righted the ship to a degree, but may never be a championship caliber running mate. Speaking of…
Jared WheelerPublished 7 years ago in UnbalancedSpeak Softly and Drop Triple Doubles
Russell Westbrook is having a historic year, but not unprecedented…or should we say unpresidented. July 1, 1898 Kettle Hill Cuba
Jared WheelerPublished 7 years ago in UnbalancedDallas Keuchel Continues to Carve Up Hitters Despite Low Velocity
Watching Dallas Keuchel pitch is a treat. He’s a prime example of a control pitcher who relies on location and his off-speed pitches. This year he’s experiencing one of the best starts of his six-year big league career, leading the majors in both ERA and wins. According to statcast, Keuchel’s average fastball velocity this season is 88.6 mph. In an era where almost every pitcher in the big leagues throws 95 plus, how does the Astros ace endure so much success despite a lack of fastball velocity? Let’s examine.
Quinn AllenPublished 7 years ago in UnbalancedEveryone Is Breaking up With Melo
Carmelo Anthony entered the NBA in 2003. That year he also ente — nope, whoops — started dating something called a La La who was a “v-jay”. I promise all of those syllables made so much sense in 2003. They seemed…happy-ish? Our societal rules for observing celebrity couples have never refined themselves beyond the extremes of worship and schadenfreude. They were together and it was a thing and they got married on TV.
Jared WheelerPublished 7 years ago in UnbalancedAre the Utah Jazz for Real?
The Utah Jazz have climbed nearly all the way to the top of the Western Conference, and if you have been paying attention to the music men, it shouldn’t come as a surprise. They feature an all-out superstar, Gordon Hayward (save the fact that no one knows who he is because he plays in Utah), a plethora of young talent, and one of if not the most stifling defenses in the league. Shout out to Rudy Gobert. The only question that remains: are they for real? This is truly a question that can’t be answered until the playoffs begin. We will, however dive into a few things that call the Jazz’s run into question.
Kenneth WilsonPublished 7 years ago in UnbalancedHow Will Bartolo Colon Do In 2017?
This offseason, the Atlanta Braves acquired 43-year-old veteran Bartolo Colon from the New York Mets. Although he’s definitely on his last legs in the big leagues, Colon still has an innate ability to get outs and give his team a chance to win. Let’s take a look at what he could bring to the table on the mound for the Braves.
Quinn AllenPublished 7 years ago in UnbalancedIf the Shoe Fits…
Under Armour has admitted a hard truth. They conceded that their flagship sneaker, the Curry 3, was not selling as well as they originally hoped. CEO Kevin Plank did his best to “business-talk” his way out of this harsh reality. Yet the perceptive reader/listener was consistently reminded that the corporate tongue is typically forked. Ironically, the Curry 3 might be one of the more unappealing sneakers a reigning MVP has ever worn.
Jared WheelerPublished 7 years ago in Unbalanced