Bruins Clinch (Now, Don't Blow It)

Well, Boston Bruins, you made it. Somehow, you made it. Now what the hell are you going to do with it?

The Bruins actually had a chance to clinch a spot on the previous night, needing only one more point in the standings to do so, but they couldn't get it done. Even so, despite the Bruins not being in action on this night, they could still get a spot, needing either a Detroit Red Wings loss or a Philadelphia regulation loss to get it done. Both outcomes came true, but the Philly loss happened first. The Flyers were defeated, 4-1, by the Montréal Canadiens. Yes, that's right. The Montréal Canadiens actually helped the Boston Bruins make the playoffs. What a world.

Now, let's talk about the 65-win elephant in the room.

We all know what Boston's goal is. It's to make everybody forget about last year. 65 wins is a thing to remember, but not when you completely fizzle in the playoffs. This was the latest and biggest embarrassment by the Bruins, who have basically spent the last decade and a half blowing it when it counts. Yes, 2011 was the lone exception, but that Stanley Cup came because the Vancouver Canucks were bigger fuck-ups. Since their last Cup Final appearance in 2019, the Bruins have won only two playoff series. That's not good. What upsets me is the bias and hypocrisy; if this was the Toronto Maple Leafs, they'd be buried for this, yet the Bruins still get treated like they're primetime players despite the last 15 years proving otherwise.

Without further ado, ladies and gentleman, I present to you, the entire 2023-24 Boston Bruins team:

That's it. That's the team. I never thought this would happen, but it has. The Bruins have become what the Oilers are: two men carrying a huge load. The sad part: the Oilers have a much better duo. Patrice Bergeron's career came to a disappointing end with that embarrassing choke job in last year's playoffs, leaving David Pastrnak and Brad Marchand to carry the team on their own. I do love Pasta, he is scaring the shit out of the league as usual. Marchand's also a force, but here's the thing. He's getting old. Marchand was part of the 2011 team. That's how old he is. Yet he's still better than a vast majority of his teammates. That's not good.

Do not get me wrong. I absolutely love the celebration between goalies Linus Ullmark and Jeremy Swayman. We all love to see it. Even fans who can't stand the Bruins can't help but really enjoy this camaraderie. It still doesn't take away the fact that this is the most overrated goalie duo in the NHL. We saw them implode last year against a team they should have flattened. Who's to say they won't do it again?

Now, I know what you're thinking, and I'm thinking it too. The Tampa Bay Lightning. They blew a historic series in 2019, and what happened? Back-to-back Cup afterwards, and they almost won a third straight. Plus there's that Presidents' Trophy trend. The aforementioned Lightning, the Colorado Avalanche won the Cup a year after getting the trophy. That season, the Florida Panthers fizzled as Trophy holders, yet a year later, they reached the Final and fell three wins short of winning it as the NHL's overall #16 seed. Here's the thing. The teams who won were either deep or, in the case of Florida, hot enough to mess with teams at the right time. The Bruins don't fit either half of that bill. They are really going to have to prove that they are worthy of being good enough to go very deep. If not, they'll have to expect another disappointing postseason.

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