Al Snow vs. Head

Bob Holly makes his way out to the ring… He’s wearing referee attire… He’s holding Head, whom he stole from Al Snow after the recent Hardcore Title match that Al Snow… or should we say Head? beat Holly in after the two brawled backstage, outside, and finally all the way into the Mississippi River…

And that’s no lie!

A wet and wild brawl if we’ve ever seen one… Though I’m sure the King was disappointed it wasn’t a women’s match…

And Holly has the mic…

“I want you to come out here… I have a few things to say to you…

“Come on Al…”

And Al Snow’s subpar entrance music begins to play… And boy does the crazy fellow look a mess… He’s got that deer head he’s been carrying around that he calls Pierre in one hand and the Hardcore Title in the other… He raises Pierre high above his head by the horn…

Look at the bulging eye on that thing!

Now that is certainly some bad taxidermy!

Al Snow is wearing his familiar traditional black wrestling one-piece decorated with the J.O.B. Squad square logo at the top of each thigh. He’s got a white J.O.B. Squad shirt draped over his shoulder to match his white wrestling boots. A black knee pad covers most of his left leg, and a red pad covers his right shin… He’s got ‘HELP ME’ written backwards in black magic marker on his forehead, ‘LOVE’ written on the knuckles of his right hand and ‘HATE’ written backwards on the knuckles of his left hand…

Needless to say—Al Snow is looking crazed and ready to fight!

Now… This is some kind of situation folks… I feel it needs a bit of explanation…

You see, Hardcore Holly has been wanting a rematch for the Hardcore Title since the Mississippi River incident… But as things are, Head, the mannequin head that Al Snow has been talking to for some time now, is the Hardcore Champion… Well, at least in Al Snow’s mind…

When Al pinned Holly 1, 2, 3, the head was between the two men’s bodies. So, though Snow pinned Holly, Head was actually on top of Holly, so technically got the pin and won the title… Well, would have technically got the pin and won the title, you know, if Head were an actual person…

Anyway… These wild shenanigans will hopefully come to head… That’s right folks… Will hopefully come to head this evening… With Holly out here as referee, we can only hope he will keep some proper order and get that Hardcore Title back in the hands of a living, breathing human being…

After all, Holly wants that rematch!

“Al… I want you to listen to me… “This was at my request…

“Mind you… This was my request…”

Al Snow has put on his white J.O.B. Squad cutoff… He’s getting ready to wrestle…

“The Hardcore Executive Committee… Booked a Hardcore Title match, tonight, on Heat…”

Al Snow nears Holly, leans toward the microphone…

“I don’t think that you understand… The words coming out of my mouth…” Snow growls…

“Al… Ho… Ho… Ho… Wait a minute… Listen to me…

“It’s not between you and I, it’s between you and Head…”

“I’m kicking your ass!” Al Snow shouts to Head.

“All you have to do, is pin Head, then you become Hardcore Champion…”

“All I have to do is pin Head…”

“Then… I get a Hardcore Title rematch…”

“Fine… Fine… You get a Hardcore Title rematch… Ring the bell…”

“Ring the bell!”

And the match is underway! An amazing match to add to the card if I’ve ever seen one… The bookers must be on vacation…

Al Snow hits Head with three big boots! The mad man’s opponent is down on the mat! … can it really be anywhere besides down on the mat?

And yes, we are actually calling this match!

A brutal elbow drop from Al Snow to Head! All that weight coming to crash on Head’s pliable plastic… head… and matted mess of a mane!

Al Snow lifts Head by the hair and pulls it up! Oh mercy! He’s going for a piledriver right out of the gate! And a successful piledriver crashes Head’s polymer to the mat!

Al Snow gets to his feet… He grabs Pierre and moves his pal to safety… He wouldn’t want his hideous friend to get hurt…

Al Snow back on Head… He gets Head and tosses his opponent out of the ring… Al Snow follows his opponent outside… This is a Hardcore Title match folks, and I think things are about to get hardcore!

Al Snow smacks his opponent around a bit before sending it into the steel steps! Oh the agony! Again Snow sends Head’s skull… Skull? Head’s face… into those unforgiving steps!

Snow tosses his opponent back into the ring before pulling up the apron in search of the perfect weapon… Or any weapon really… This is Al Snow we’re talking about!

He finds a broom!

Nope… Something else…

He’s got a steel chair!

He tosses his newfound weapon into the ring before following by diving under the bottom rope… The grace of Al Snow! I’m not even being sarcastic folks! This man was once a great wrestler… Before he had to do the job so many times it drove him insane…

And Al Snow smashes that steel chair on the fallen Head! All that steel and plastic! Snow tosses the chair to the canvas before pulling his opponent up by the hair…

A handful of sharp slaps to Head… Snow makes his way to the center of the ring… He downs his opponent again… Another big elbow drop successfully landed by Al Snow!

Snow back to the outside… Head stunned and still on the mat… Al Snow has found himself a table! This is wild! Snow is going to every length to take this Hardcore Title off this inanimate foe!

Al Snow setting up the table… He sets it up diagonal in the center of the ring… Snow lifts Head up… Another series of sharp slaps… Snow sets Head on the table…

Snow up to the second rope! What is he going to do here?!

Snow to the top rope… This man is insane!

Moonsault off the top rope!

Snow hits his head on Head and knocks his opponent off the table before tumbling to the mat… He has somehow managed to leave that table unscathed!

Snow slow to rise but he makes it to his feet… He stumbles toward his lifeless opponent… Al Snow scoops up his ally, Pierre! And Snow smashes Pierre into Head! Plastic and antler and fur collide!

And Al Snow drops down for the cover, Pierre sandwiched between him and the perceived Hardcore Champion, Head…

Hardcore Holly begins the count…

1… 2… 3…

“What does everybody want?”—Al Snow’s music begins to play and the announcer’s voice bellows through the arena:

“Here is your winner, and the new World Wrestling Federation Hardcore Champion—Al Snow!”

Al Snow isn’t done with the show yet though… I’m not sure what he is doing here…

Snow to the top tope…

And Al Snow moonsaults himself through the table… No opponent… No Head… The man has put himself though a table for no apparent reason and now he’s yelling at a taxidermy deer head! Look at the eye on that thing! The stuff of nightmares…

Pierre… Not Al Snow…

And that is our new… and still… Hardcore Champion … Al Snow!

… or is Pierre the Hardcore Champion now… He technically pinned Head, didn’t he?

…

Ladies and gentleman… Al Snow!