You gotta have thicker skin

Thicker skin is what you develop when you swim against life like the Koi fish, when there are tribulations and high critiques of those who never believed in you. However, when someone is the intended target of unprovoked animosity with the expectation that the target follow protocols and report to those in charge about behavior patterns and observations; a leader does not dismiss it and insinuate the targeted individual should develop thicker skin especially when you do not know what that person has been through. The problem is not "thicker skin" the problem is someone's confident behavior to be intentionally disrespectful. I listened to you as my primary leader of this location with me as the intended 2nd hand and yet when I answer your questions and do what is requested of me and inform you of disrespectful behavior and tones to a childish employee it seems in your language stating to have thicker skin and it's just part of the job while in turn stating "i don't support disrespect and rudeness" after I explicitly explained my observations and how that can disrupt the work flow your only focus is your disdain of my words how it creates a hostile work environment while willingly not acknowledging how the patterned behavior is observed by others and encourages and creates toxicity is expected. Now I expect less of you any opportunity to obtain loyalty has waned itself.

It is a domino effect of the same play I am forced to watch on repeat. A location is struggling and has a high turn over rate and yet poor behaviors are supported out of favoritism, colorism or racism. People watch how others are treated and what is accepted in a work environment; and it tells not just the parties involved but those watching what is permitted. Why would anyone want to work in a toxic environment especially when they do not have to?

I used to work at a minor financial institution where one of the employees was genuinely a horrible person. They held a favoritism plaque on their chest and always proceeded to mistreat others; and it was towards everyone. Whenever I would point out how disruptive the behavior was to the establishment and the message it would send to everyone how it is tolerated; that person is an extension of themselves as business owners and managers. I would encounter "oh she's just catty" "but you're smarter than she is"; if your best worker whom you depend on to make money is being disrupted by another employee whose obsessed I would think protecting your money would be a priority. "Oh women are being women"; that is patriarchal nonsense shoved down everyone's throat to "teach" that women naturally fight with other women. I and others I have met without internalized patriarchal concepts believe in adjusting another Queen's crown; not tear down another woman for the cheap thrill of feeling validated by men. I watched how she treated her team members and it would be met with a chuckle and "she's a tough manager"; she was not. She was abusive, manipulative and problematic; it was not until it started to cost them money and in the very patriarchal platform she promoted her looks were no longer of use and eventually pushed out of the company. But the damage of their presence was irreversible, of course the employees watched how she had went unchecked they began to work enough to get paid but not enough for the company to grow. They watched how hard I worked and found no reward but I was also left with no choice to work that hard to survive; I could barely afford lunch. They watched her constant and intentional disrespect or bullying of other employees even on surface level; and looked to the leaders to see how they would check her. I would challenge her but it did very little. I had the loyalty of their employees because respect is given and trust is earned. If my team needed anything, I took care of them and they took care of me in return. The mood of the company had been set and we never achieved past the greatness we temporarily achieved when their best workers became tired or set boundaries. They had an extremely high turnover rate with employees with covid being their complete downfall. With high turnover rates, employers spend more money trying to maintain staff numbers, training staff with the already disgruntled employee who is not being paid more to train; and then the cycle continues. It is a great method to building resentment and disloyalty from employees.

So here we are once again, being hired to help see why they have a high turn over rate with employees, help mend the gaps, provide support where it is needed, be the eyes and ears of the floor, maintain employee morale, supplies, multiple locations and strengthen the team. How is that possible when employees observe and/or giggle when an employee speaks disrespectfully towards their supervisor and the room is watching to see how I will respond; which is another factor of how I respond including with any reaction I provide I am perceived as being "too sensitive", "too angry (as an angry black woman), "this is about your feelings" when i said my observations are of disrespectful behavior towards myself, "but she said she only this" (which is so different from I stated) and in your language choices it is evident you've decided what the situation is without true observations. "I've had employees as a manager give me attitude", so I have and that includes here but they are respectful. They are not going out of their way to be disrespectful and I can count on them when I approach them to listen, respond and complete the task. This person however, is unreliable. If an individual is reliable only based on public performances of the right audience but not when I approach them to double check on tasks or when I am trying to provide them support in their department; and I encounter consistent attitude, disrespect and rudeness; then they are unreliable. I should not have to involve the appropriate audience to get what needs to be done; I don't have the space in my head for those extra unnecessary curricular activities. I am working to accomplish something and if that is their priority; and you're choosing to gaslight me and reinterpret everything I said and tell me what was actually happening or ask if I'm jumping to conclusions when I've provided a consistent pattern I observed. Then I already have my answer and you've decided my future here. Unchecked behavior (I am not saying automatic firing, I believe in a fair trial), but unchecked behavior breeds hostile work environment which in turn produces the children of disgruntled, disloyalty and uncaring.

Thicker skin is for tribulations not targeted disrespect and by implying this is about feelings and not me setting boundaries, that is about being sensitive and not about someone's behavior, that is about how I misperceived an exact cloned patterned behavior and not about who someone chooses to be; I understand they are an extension of you and what you will permit and indirectly encourage and you'll continue to have a high turnover rate. Along with the disgruntled employees and the other problematic areas I see so clearly; but I'm not going to go out of my way to explain it. At a time when there is so much happening and changing rapidly.