The Swamp logo

What is Maga Mike the Johnson Protecting?

It certainly ain’t the country

By John WorthingtonPublished 15 days ago 6 min read
Illustration designed specifically for this blog by BSIENKART (used with permission from the artist)

Do you ever feel like you can live for a long long time without hearing about another politician or preacher, or brother-in-law, or anyone at all, saying one thing while they are simultaneously doing something else? I’m going to point at our intrepid Speaker of the House for some of the most ignorant behavior, as the kind explanation or some of the most blatant hypocrisy that ever there was as the let’s-call-it-like-it-is explanation.

As I often point out here, Maga Mikey is a Johnson. Nothing more, nothing less. This is the Johnson who pretty much stood on a stack of bibles ten feet tall and swore before Jesus and all the Little Angels that the Bible was his one and only guide. This is the Johnson who has intervened with the courts by suing Congress for not having the right to have passed the law that Steve Bannon was convicted of breaking, which has resulted in Steve being ordered to report to prison here pretty quick. Can someone reference the biblical chapter and verse or verses which instruct a Johnson to file a brief with the court to protect someone who has no more fashion sense than to wear four shirts at a time? I don’t want to sound too uppity but I have read with my own eyes a passage which says, “Give unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s and give unto God that which is God’s.” If that Johnson thinks he can interpret that verse as a command from God to harken unto the Gold 45 Chit Dispenser’s order to ask the court to rule against the branch of government that he currently heads, I’d have to surmise that Johnson doesn’t even understand proper masturbation technique. It’s not designed to relieve incontinence in a practitioner.

Mikey Is Both a Liar and a Johnson

I’ve searched my mind to find some kind of reason, preferably valid, for Maga Mikey to act like he is suffering from Split Politician Personality Disorder or if he’s just a lying POS. I got to tell you, full disclosure and all, that I’m really in the POS camp. I can see that he wants to hold on to the Speakership. Hell, if he could do the job, I could understand why. That job on any resume is going to pretty much take the search out of looking for a gig. That part is understandable, there’s this other part though. For him to hold on to his job after the upcoming election, he has to have some serious backing because he ain’t the money pump that Keven was and still is. So, the Johnson in him just has to hover around the Gold 45 Chit Dispenser so he can at least smell like power.

Maga Mike was one of the faithful who made the pilgrimage to the famous New York trial. There were a number of U.S. Congressmen, and Congresswomen to be fair, who all dressed up as their favorite cartoon character, then went up to the trial. Can you imagine the respect that goofy act generated in the international community? To consider just a single aspect of that looney act, Maga Mikey and the New York Red Tied Trial Brigade were none too happy that students had the unmitigated gall to protest Palestinians being killed by the thousands as revenge for another inhumane expression of hate and anger which unleashed a vengeance on Israelis in general–which the actual murdered people did not deserve in any way. But Maga Mikey cannot see the ridiculous position his Johnson-ness insists the world deal with. Remember, this is the same Johnson that withheld military support for both Ukraine and Israel. But there goes that Johnson running up to New York to hover around the 45 Chit Dispenser. I don’t know, but is there a chance that since the Johnson is a Louisiana politician he’s eaten too many mercury laden crawfish? He’s had to have eaten a couple of tons of crawfish to have gotten elected as dog catcher. Can you imagine how much you’d have to eat to get elected Congressional Ass Kisser?

King Salomon Understood a Few Things

I’m writing this a few hours before the big debate, but I’m sure I can foresee a couple of things that will come out of it. One is that Gold 45 will dispense shit. Another is that Dark Brandon will be prepared for Gold 45 ignorance and stupid behavior. Then there’s the moderators who will all bring doggie bags to clean up his mess rather than confront the Gold 45 dispenser with the pile of Loser #2 on the floor “because he doesn’t want to look at it and he might get really mad.”

A story that dedicated bible thumpers never seem to pay attention long enough to even notice is the multigenerational story of King David and his son King Salomon. If you’ll remember, King David was a randy old fart. He used to sit up in his kingly towers and ogle women. One of his favorite ogle-ee’s was a chick named Bathsheba. I think he mentioned that she has a rack he could hang his hat on. He was late, however, because Uriah had already hung his hat on her. That didn’t bother King David. He sent Uriah off to war. And Uriah passed away right there on the front line of the war that the King had arranged just for his demise. Well, he had to comfort the widow, don’t you know.

I don’t think Salomon was impressed with daddy’s morality. Many years later, when he was king, he was asked to decide who a baby belonged to. He couldn’t tell for sure so he ordered the baby to be cut in half. The real mom was pretty easy to find after that so he was able to give the baby to the actual mom. She was the woman who protected the baby.

MAGA Mike’s Words Don’t Match His Actions

So, which baby is that Louisiana Johnson protecting? It sure looks like he would not even allow that bill to hold immigration to a sustainable level to come up for a vote. He put a couple of very unqualified Congressmen on committees who must understand the most vital of the Government’s most closely held family secrets. I can understand the idea that there is way too much data that is classified as too important to allow the general public to know it. I think that’s true in families, and therefore it could well be true in Government. It really doesn’t matter what I think. The law exists how it exists. I know I do not have the right to change conditions the law sets forth about stopping at a stop sign or staying within the speed limit. I doubt that Maga Mikey would have the right to change laws either. Yet here he is, the Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States Congress, flaunting the very laws he has sworn to uphold.

If I consider how this highly significant political player on the world stage is says to the world, then couple them with what his actions communicate, I have trouble finding explanations which flatter the Speaker. I just cannot justify his actions as being the result of ignorance. I can justify his actions as being blatantly hypocritical though. The Bible does not provide guidance for his actions. It may provide guidance for his words, and if that’s true, his actions are all lies. How can a man who has obligations on the world stage as a major contributor and notable player can even consider the kind of childish behavior that man demonstrates? Guys, this is junior high school cheugy. To put it in terms he will never understand, the guy brings extra cringe to his office. That’s just hypocritical AF. No worries, he’ll have to have it explained to him.

The Wright’s View is a blog written by John Worthington and is presented by The Business of Forging Agreement.

opinionsatirepoliticspoliticians

About the Creator

John Worthington

As a published author/teacher, I draw on those experiences in my writing and use satire to introduce spiritual concepts through a contemporary political lens.

Enjoyed the story?
Support the Creator.

Subscribe for free to receive all their stories in your feed. You could also pledge your support or give them a one-off tip, letting them know you appreciate their work.

Subscribe For Free

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

    John WorthingtonWritten by John Worthington

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.