TACO Calling PACO - 15

This conversation happened on October 7, 2026, when Putin turned 74.

"Hello, Vlad?"

"Hi Donnie, did someone tell you to call me?"

"Of course not! I remember it's your Birthday today. Happy Birthday, my friend! I always remember my dear friend's birthdays!"

"Thank you, Donnie, if you really remembered."

"Of course I did. How can you doubt?"

"We are not getting any younger, Donnie, and our memories are not getting any better."

"My memory is just fine, Vlad. Best memory anyone can have. I have passed all the hard cognitive tests! All of them!"

"You mean dementia tests?" [laughs into his sleeve]

"That's rude, Vlad! They are not dementia tests, they are cognitive tests! I have the best memory and the best working brain!"

"If you say so, Donnie." [still laughing]

"I do say so. Why would you call it a dementia test, Vlad? It's really hurtful. I thought you were my friend. Friends don't hurt each other."

"I'm sorry, Donnie. I didn't mean to hurt you. I take those tests myself, just to make sure that my memory works fine."

"Do you really? And what are your results?"

"My memory works just fine, Donnie."

"Good. That's really good. Anyway, I sent you a birthday present with a special person. You should be getting it soon. I hope, very soon."

"Oh, thank you so much, Donnie. I really appreciate it. Can you tell me what it is?"

"I don't want to ruin the surprise, Vlad. Let it just be a surprise."

"I hope it's a good one, Donnie. I've had enough of bad surprises recently, and one of the worst -- yesterday."

"Oh, really??? What happened?"

"Didn't you hear? My food friend August Hanning, the former boss of German intelligence service, got arrested yesterday."

"I heard some buzz, but what really happened, Vlad? Why did they arrest him?"

"I actually wanted to ask you to inquire about that with your German friends, since Germany and US are the NATO members and share intelligence news."

"Yeah, but you know that my relationship with NATO is not very good at the moment. Not good at all. I can ask, but I'm not sure they'll tell me the truth. Not sure at all. What are they telling to the media, you know?"

"He was charged with espionage for some foreign power, that's all I know."

"Is that foreign power you, since you were friends?"

"That's the thing, Donnie: No, it's me. We were friends indeed, but he never spied for me. We were just colleagues and met many times when Schröder was the prime minister. I would have never thought that he'd be spying for someone else, he seemed such a big German patriot and sharp professional."

"So, who did he spy then for? They can't accuse someone of spying without telling who he spied for, or can they?"

"Apparently, they can. German intelligence is saying nothing, and German media suggested it was Azerbaijan."

"Aber... But why would they do that?"

"That's the thing I would also like to know, Donnie. Azerbaijan has been drifting away from Russia, more and more toward Turkey, which is now it's open patron. Turkey is the NATO member, and if true, it would feel like double betrayal for me. Like a knife into my back from Alyiev."

"Who's Ali..ev?"

"The president of Azerbaijan."

"Oh, I see. And what does he say?"

"Who?"

"The president of Aber... you know what I mean."

"Oh, it's always so fun to hear you try to say Azerbaijan, Donnie. Didn't you have deals there too? Weren't you going to build a Trump tower in Baku?"

"That was a decade ago, Vlad. We dropped that project altogether. Jr. is now negotiating building a Trump Tower in Tibi... Georgia."

"Yeah, I've heard about Tbilisi. Very interesting. Anyway, if you hear anything about Hanning, Donnie, please let me know."

"Will do, Vlad, although I can't promise anything. Can't promise it."

"Alright, Donnie, I have to go now, celebrations are waiting."

"With your family?"

"Of course, Donnie."

"Where, in your bunker?"

"That's too many questions, Donnie, bye!" [hangs up]

"Bye, Vlad." After hanging up, "He obviously doesn't like it when I ask him about his bunker."