Oh, You Want An Abortion? Sorry, You Don’t Deserve One

So you supported Donald Trump and his rise to power. You voted red like you always do as a good Christian in your home state, located in the Deep South. You clapped as he stacked the Supreme Court with as many conservative “Christians” as quickly as he possibly could.

You watched as your party did nothing about sensible gun control. You identify as “Pro-Life”, at least until the baby is born. Then it’s somebody else’s job to feed it, house it, protect it at school from mass shootings, and care about its well-being.

You are not a fan of paying your fair share of taxes to raise someone else’s welfare baby. This life doesn’t matter, anymore. Well, at least until it’s old enough to join our military. Then it’s important, once again.

George Carlin spelled out the abortion issue brilliantly, almost 30 years ago. It’s hauntingly uncanny that this is the exact situation we’re in now in 2022. Tell me I’m wrong, after watching this clip:

You don’t want your tax dollars paying for universal health care, daycare, Head Start, or paid time off for the mother after she gives birth. You yell and scream about the sanctity of life, and what your Bible says, but you’re not thinking ahead to the big picture.

What happens when the red state you live in bans abortions completely? Or worse yet, suppose your stacked conservative Supreme Court and possibly President makes it illegal nationally. Guess what happens, next?

Your son knocks up his little girlfriend in high school. Or god forbid, your daughter is raped and is forced to carry her rapist’s baby to term. That hot little number you’re seeing on the side during your mid-life crisis suddenly misses her period.

You’re up shit-creek without a paddle, and the waters are stormy. It used to cost an estimated quarter of a million dollars to raise a child from infancy to high school graduation. That’s what we were taught in health class, about 35 years ago. They tried to scare us into keeping it in our pants.

It didn’t work. At least not for everyone. We all knew a number of kids who suddenly had to attend the alternative school because the girl got knocked up. Let’s face it, if an awkward, hormone-driven junior high to high school-aged kid is lucky enough to find a girl willing to let him have sex with her, it’s going to happen.

It doesn’t matter if your family is religious. I’d venture to guess that unwanted teen pregnancies happen just as often, if not more, to religious families than others. Why? Because conservative Christian families are often ignorant about sex.

They will preach abstinence, even though you can’t scare most kids bad enough to actually practice it. It’s one thing if abstinence is forced upon you because you’re a nerd and unfortunate looking. It’s quite another to be a good-looking kid and find another attractive member of the opposite sex who desperately wants to be naked with you as much as you do, them.

Many Christians are so uptight about premarital sex, that they don’t even have “The Talk” with their children. Some go as far as not allowing their children to participate in Sex Ed classes in junior high and high school. Take it from me, one of those kids whose pastor-father would not allow him to be in those classes.

It was fortunate for me that at the junior high and high school age, I was not some Don Juan Cassanova. I probably would have had a half dozen, curly-headed kids by graduation with a whole bunch of Baby-Mamas. This brings me to my next point.

Who will raise these unwanted children? If you are an anti-abortion, red-voting conservative Christian, guess what? YOU’LL be the ones raising these children. Your child’s brain isn’t fully formed until the age of 25. What makes you think your son and Statutory Susie are going to make great parents?

Hopefully, you have a spare million dollars laying around somewhere. And that idea of a nice, quiet home alone with your loving, subservient Christian wife happening at age 43? Try age 61 now, at the soonest. But hey, at least you’ll be closer to retirement by then. From BOTH jobs you’ll be holding, trying to afford to raise another baby, and having your young-adult kids living at home with you.

Let’s discuss the other scenario: You get caught having that little affair of yours with the 21-year-old secretary at the real estate office you work. Your long-time faithful wife suddenly decides that you’re not going to raise this illegitimate bastard child in HER home and then divorces your ass.

Your conservative Christian church finds out. They judge you. They support your wife through this situation, as well they should. Her lawyer takes you for the house and alimony that YOU’RE paying her since she has always been a stay-at-home Christian mother to your three other children. You know, the ones that you’re paying for college for. Weddings for the girls. Suddenly, money is tight.

You move into an apartment which is all you and Secretary Baby-Mama can afford. You’re now paying for self-employment health insurance for two more people which can be PRICEY. Your large real estate income is suddenly split between two families, one of which you hardly see anymore.

The baby comes, you stop sleeping, Baby Mama is going through post-partum depression, and then snaps out of it finally. You think you’re on Easy Street, but oh how you’re wrong. Suddenly, she’s not happy living with a 52-year-old middle-aged man who’s reminding her more and more of her conservative Christian controlling father.

She rebels. You’re the one watching the baby after long work days while she goes out with her young, college-aged friends. You yell at her, she yells back, the baby is crying, and she says she’s leaving you and taking half of everything. So you’re now facing having half of half of what you were earning a year and a half ago.

That abortion sounds a lot more reasonable now, right? Oh, but you can’t GET ONE. You live in a red state. A red state in which you voted for the GOP candidates across the board because the Bible tells you so. You didn’t want women to have control of their own reproductive rights. So now they don’t.

You did the Christian thing to do, right? Stood up for the unborn? Even though it made more sense to leave women’s reproductive rights to women. It’s been over 50 years since they were given those rights, constitutionally. This wasn’t some new issue. Women were doing just fine without your conservative, Christian, male viewpoint butting into it.

Why couldn’t conservative Christians just adopt babies, children, and even teenagers that were already in the system? We have close to one million children needing homes in our country, but no, you couldn’t be bothered to consider that. You’d rather just force more women to have more unwanted pregnancies, and add to this extremely high total number of children in the system.

This brings another issue to light: Crime. When Roe V. Wade guaranteed a woman’s right to choose about her own reproductive rights, the number of unwanted pregnancies plummeted. As did crime statistics.

Why you ask? Because children born into poverty and into homes where their parents did not want them tend to commit more crimes. So for the political party that loves to use the slogan, “Blue Lives Matter”, and are all about law and order, you’re about to see a spike in crime over the next 10 to 20 years that I don’t think you’ll be ready for. Thoughts and prayers to you.

Y'all didn’t really think this through, did you? Voting red across the board and electing Christian conservative politicians does not always further your best interests. And if either of these two scenarios happens to you or your family, you’ll see what I mean.

So no, you can’t have an abortion. You don’t deserve one. Just like mass shootings, Covid-related deaths, or general poverty, you don’t care about such issues. At least until they impact you.