Moscow's Calling - 21
Friends catching up on each other's important speeches
This conversation happened on June 16, 2024, after the international summit on Peace in Ukraine in Switzerland ended.
“Hello, Donnie?”
“Yes, Vlad! Have you joined some frequent caller program?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been calling me so frequently lately!” [chuckles]
“Ah, that! What else I’m left to do if you are not calling me?”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Vlad, been busy!”
“Yeah, I can see how busy you are with your rallies and Congress visits.”
“I need to ramp it up, Vlad, the election is getting closer. So close now, just like less than five months! And some polls are saying Biden is ahead of me. Can you imagine that, Vlad, Sleepy Joe is ahead of me!”
“We can’t have that, Donnie.”
“We? Are you going to help me, Vlad?”
“Of course, Donnie, just tell me what you need.”
“Money, Vlad. Money for my campaign. More and more money, as I need to buy more ads.”
“Oh, that I can’t do, Donnie. Short on money myself.”
“Oh yeah, I heard ruble is not doing so well. What happened, Vlad?”
“What happened??? Really? You are asking me what happened like you don’t know?” [almost yelling]
“I really don’t, Vlad, OK?”
“Sanctions happened, Donnie, sanctions! And then the European Union decided to give 50 billion Euros in interest that my frozen European accounts earned, to Ukraine! Can you imagine, my money – to Ukraine!”
“That sucks, Vlad, I didn’t know that!”
“You so conveniently don’t know about so many things, Donnie!” [menacingly]
“I’m not in power, Vlad, so I miss a lot of things.”
“Well, OK. And it does suck that they are taking my money and giving it to Ukraine. I hope when you are president you will stop that nonsense.”
“On Day One, Vlad, I promise. Even earlier, I’ll stop that war for you when I become president-elect. As I said today, it’s enough of Ze… whatever his name is, jetting around the world begging for billions of dollars. Enough of this show already…”
“I’m so glad we see eye to eye on this issue, Donnie. So happy!”
“Yeah, but I do need to become president again, Vlad. I hope you understand.”
“Of course, Donnie. And I’ll help you in any way I can. Just don’t ask me for money.”
“Well, what else can you do, if not money, Vlad?”
“Are you forgetting that you actually owe ME money, Donnie?”
“I’m not, Vlad, I simply don’t have it. I don’t have any money right now, I had to channel some of my campaign money to my businesses, to keep them afloat. No money at all, Vlad.”
“What about that Truth Social bonus that you were talking about?”
“Turned out I can’t make it liquid for six months after the IPO. Can you imagine, Vlad? I can’t take my own money out of there for six months! Stupid SEC rules! I’ll change them when I become president as well!”
“Alright, Donnie, but when you can take the money out, I hope you remember who your Number One creditor is.”
“MBS?”
“OMG, Donnie, do you owe him money too?”
“No…” [hesitantly]
“Good, because I want you to remember that I will be your first creditor to pay back, Donnie!”
“Ok, Ok, Vlad, you are Number One.”
“Good, Donnie, please don’t forget that.” [both pause, thinking]
“Any way, Donnie, what did you think of my speech?”
“It was a wonderful speech, Vlad! So wonderful, I was so impressed.”
“Yeah? What impressed you the most?”
“You were so strong and forceful, like ‘We don’t want anyone else’s land, but won’t give up our own either.’ So strong!”
“That was the old speech, Donnie. You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”
“Been busy, Vlad, making my own speeches. So busy, OK?”
“It’s the one where I outlined conditions for peace in Ukraine.”
“Ah, that one! Why am I hearing about peace in Ukraine so much lately? Like, is Ukraine the only country in the world with problems?”
“Right? Like Israel does not exist anymore!” [both chuckle] “But seriously, Donnie, haven’t you heard anything about what they called ‘the global summit for peace in Ukraine’ that they just finished in Switzerland?”
“Ah, that one. I only heard about it vaguely. Is that the one where Biden didn’t show up on the first day? Because he was jetlagged and sleepy? Sleepy Joe was extra sleepy?” [chuckles at his own joke] "So funny, extra Sleepy Joe."
“No, that’s G-7 meetings. He went back home right after that and sent Harris to Switzerland instead.”
“So many meetings, Vlad, I can’t keep up anymore. Meetings, meetings, meetings! That’s all they do now, spending taxpayer money on nothing.”
“Exactly, Donnie, make sure to use that as a talking point in your rally speeches.”
“I will, Vlad, for sure. What did they decide there?”
“Nothing, Donnie, didn’t even talk about my conditions! Like I don’t exist for them! How can they discuss peace in Ukraine without Russia present in those meetings?”
“Another good point, Vlad. Excellent point. I need to go now, Vlad, have another rally to go to. Talk to you soon.”
“Ah, alright, bye, Donnie.” After hanging up, “Did he just use the rally as an excuse not to talk to me anymore?”
Trump, after hanging up, “I’d better catch up on his speech and that f*cking Swiss summit before he gets really mad at me.”
About the Creator
Lana V Lynx
Avid reader and occasional writer of satire and short fiction. For my own sanity and security, I write under a pen name. My books: Moscow Calling - 2017 and President & Psychiatrist
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Comments (6)
These are so good 😊
“Alright, Donnie, but when you can take the money out, I hope you remember who your Number One creditor is.” “MBS?” “OMG, Donnie, do you owe him money too?” “No…” [hesitantly] That part made me literally laugh out loud! Gosh soooo hilarious! I immensely enjoyed myself reading this, as always!
HILARIOUS but gosh, right-on-the-money (my pun, LOL), as we say (meaning it's correct). I can actually hear this conversation taking place between them - are you eavesdropping and then writing, SO GOOD!
Lol...Another fine example of why these two need to be separated. They can never be trusted to do the right thing. Also, I'm overjoyed to hear about their money problems. Serve 'em right!!!
OH WOW! THIS IS SATIRE, RIGHT? LAST YEAR I DREAMED I HAD A CONFRONTATION WITH VLAD! IT WAS NOT A PLEASNT DREAM! HE HAD A BIG DARK AURA OVER HIM AND AROUND HIM.
lol Yep no one matters but ole Donnie.