I'm leaving Portland Oregon Heres Why

I fell in love with Oregon when I was 14, from the backseat of my aunt's tiny car, which was stuffed to the brim with other family members. The mist hanging on the tall pines seemed magical. My shoulders relaxed, and the air soothed my lungs.

I decided I was moving to Portland on that trip, but the city was different then, so was I. My 14-year-old brain couldn't understand the realities of life and how hard it could be. I didn't comprehend what booms of migration to a city that was never meant to be big could cause. I didn't know what addiction could do to a person; I couldn't grasp the reality of the homelessness epidemic.

All I saw was the accepting culture, somewhere I would be safe to come out—the promise of something better than my small town. But now, after living in the place I glamourized, I feel a pull to write about it. I'm moving, and I want to take a second to reflect on why, and I guess oddly, what could have been.

What I'll Miss About Portland

Nature

Oregon is a beautiful place. Simply walking the Portland streets, is pleasant (if it's summer). The trees are tall and leafy, the air is crisp and cool. The beach, mountains, and desert are all within two hours. The forests here are special, and a gift for those who live near them. I’ll miss the sound of trees swaying in the wind and the feeling of a deep breath entrenched in the woods while on a hike.

Accepting Culture

In Oklahoma, I tried to hide my true self. I opted to introduce my girlfriend as my roommate instead of owning our love. In Portland, I've never had to worry about being gay, a luxury the south doesn't offer.

What's Pushing me to Leave?

Gentrification

I'm writing this from the rooftop of a two-year building that houses "luxury micro studios." across from me on the other side of the river is the bulk of downtown. The mountains surrounding it on every side make the city look like a fishbowl. The bustling industry has pushed previous homeowners out of Portland.

Prices have steadily risen as more and more people move here. With Portland becoming a trendy place to live, it's gained boutiques and luxury condos but has lost low-income housing and the culture of its natives. I learned from interviewing some local houseless people that most of them were from Portland. A fact that has never sat right with me.

I knew moving here that Black people were a severe minority due to the state's racist past. But I didn't realize how much I needed to see people who looked like me and how little I would. Black families and most other minorities have been pushed to the city's edges, cast to the side in favor of more boutiques, more expensive whole foods stores, and more condos.

So it goes.

I'm not made for the stuff it takes to handle the loneliness of big city life. I feel guilty for contributing to gentrification. My entire time in Portland, I've walked, and when you walk, you're eye level with the city. You see the bad, good, and the ugly.

I've walked through several neighborhoods and streets, and gentrification has affected them all. I believe it's one of the driving causes of Oregon's homelessness boom. The national average per 100,000 people is 174, Oregon's is 345 (5th worst in the nation).

I'm not a sociologist; I have no expertise. But I have lived experience, I've felt the city's pulse and saw the desperation grow; people can't keep up. And I just can't add to it all anymore.

Drug Abuse

Maybe it's because I'm not from a big city, but I had never seen anyone using hard drugs before moving here. I'd heard about it but didn't understand the gravity of the situation in America.

While walking, I have to be careful not to step on needles. Drug abuse drives the air of desperation, and desperation drives crime—cars are broken into nightly. This is all worsened by a service-driven economy that hasn't been able to open fully for over a year.

I know these problems will follow me in one way or another. But I feel their weight heavily here. In ways I didn't while in Oklahoma. It's a mental health crisis in tandem with a drug epidemic within a city that doesn't have the infrastructure to handle it. Things need to change from the top; it can't be individuals alone.

The Boiling Point

People are angry for all the reasons I just listed and many more. The nationwide problem of Police brutality is ever-present. The world watched the Portland people engage in combat with the federal military. It often feels like a warzone between local police and the public. Businesses’ windows are often destroyed and graffiti litters most buildings.

I can't blame protestors for being angry, I'm infuriated myself, but the remnants of the battle some are fighting are only hurting the community. As a Black woman, I don't feel safe, and the levels of anxiety I have for both sides of this war is unbearable.

I Miss the South

Everyone in the South has no time for reading because they are all too busy writing.

William Faulkner

On a lighter note, I simply miss the south. I miss the friendly people, who will always help if they can, or chat in the store. I miss slow living and home cooking. What? I can't help it.

What's Next?

“How did you fall in love with New Orleans? At once, madly. Sometimes I think it was predestined.” — Andrei Codrescu

I'm taking the summer to reflect, I feel as if I've been on a freight train, going nonstop for years. It's hard to feel the moment when you're focused on what's next. So I'm slowing down, I want to find myself, and reassess what's important in life.

I'll be doing this all over the place, but to start, I'm going to New Orleans.

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Hi there,

Everything in this article is my opinion, you're free to disagree, and I’ll still like you :). Find me on Instagram @awriterwhodraws to continue the discussion.

Thank you for reading,

I'll talk to you soon.

RJ