How to Write News Like the Big Boys

Day after day, President Trump is under attack by the mainstream media with alleged leaked information from anonymous sources. Whether the sources are legitimate or not appears to be inconsequential. They have become so common, the public has become skeptical and the credibility of the press has deteriorated. It is no small wonder people today overwhelmingly do not trust the press and prefer getting news from other sources, particularly social media.

In studying such articles in the press, I have discovered there is a pattern in terms of how they are written. So, as a public service, I am providing a template for how to write such a column. I've developed this as one of those crazy fill-in-the-blanks stories we remember from our childhood. To use it, either answer the questions as they are introduced or have someone solicit the multiple choice answers from you before you begin. This is intended to be a fun way to demonstrate an important point, the American public is being fed pablum under the guise of valid news.

DATELINE - Enter date and location:

(select)

• The White House, Washington, DC
• Capitol Hill, Washington, DC
• Albany, NY
• Chicago, IL
• Sacramento, Mars

In a stunning change of events in the nation's capital, President Donald Trump has been accused of the heinous crime of

(select)

• Developing legislation revoking sanctuary cities.
• Disorderly conduct with Congressional Democrats.
• Failing to recognize CNN anchor Jim Acosta.
• Firing a government employee for leaking information to the press.
• Pulling the pigtail of a girl in 5th grade.
• Referring to North Korean leader Kim Jong-un as "Oddjob."
• Slandering "Resistance" Libtards.

The accusation, as reported in The Times and The Post, came from anonymous sources close to

(select)

• The President.
• The Vice President.
• Congress.
• The Pentagon.
• Mrs. Ferguson's Third Grade Class.

Even though there is no physical evidence to support their contention, the media stands by the statements made by their sources, who like most other people interviewed for this article spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss sensitive internal deliberations.

The incident has already been dubbed by the Mainstream Media as

(select)

• Fruitgate.
• Lynchgate.
• Mediagate.
• Putzgate.
• Slimegate.
• Snowflakegate.
• Tailgate.

When asked about the incident, the President responded

(select)

• "I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer; next?"
• "It's just another example of more Fake News; next?"
• "It's time to drain the mainstream media cesspool; next?"
• "Who is making this crap up for you, the ACLU? Next?"
• "You're kidding right? Where's the beef? Next?"

By failing to answer the question properly, news media insiders took this as an admission of guilt by the president.

Learning of the news, Democrats were incensed. "This is clearly a violation of Constitutional Law. I am appalled with the conduct of the president. Here is another example of why he is unfit to lead the country. This is grounds for impeachment and certainly would not happen under our watch," said

(select)

• Cong. Nancy "We have to pass it to see what is in it" Pelosi (CA).
• Sen. Chuck "The Schill" Schumer (NY).
• Fmr. Pres. Barack Obama.
• Fmr. Pres. Bill Clinton.
• Fmr. Sec. of State Hillary Clinton.
• Gov. Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown.
• NYC Mayor Bill "Boom Boom" de Blasio.
• Filmmaker Michael Moore.
• The Wicked Witch of the West (aka "Pocahontas").

As a result of the unsubstantiated accusation, the Democrats are demanding

(select)

• an independent counsel costing millions of dollars.
• a Congressional investigation costing millions of dollars.
• a session in The People's Court with Judge Marilyn.
• a Russian tribunal headed by Vladimir Putin (no charge).
• the president be sent to the principal's office.

All of which will produce nothing.

Progressive insiders fear Chief Supreme Court Justice John Roberts will intervene, drop the charges, and order corporal punishment for the mainstream media accuser. A good paddling, caning, or lashing with a cat o' nine tails is suggested.

EPILOGUE

"What I find to be amazing is how narratives are set and a lot of it is not true. ... The most breathtaking thing for me has been the difference between what the truth is and what often gets reported. ... (Fake news) has become an epidemic." — former White House Chief-of-Staff Reince Priebus, July 28, 2017

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Copyright © 2017 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.