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Desperately Seeking Investments

or international Truman Show?

By Lana V LynxPublished 21 days ago 3 min read
Russian banya (bathhouse)

Russia is under international sanctions for its war of aggression against Ukraine. One of the countries they are looking at for help, collaboration, and investments is China. It is indicative that this recent story of a creative partnership came in the wake of Putin's recent visit to China. Here it is:

"The Chinese are building a bathhouse in St. Petersburg to observe how real tough Russian men and hot beauties in swimsuits bathe and steam. As a St. Petersburg businessman, who had signed a contract with a Chinese live streaming company, explained, 'Our Chinese partners will provide the investment, and we provide the show—a typical bathhouse day according to the Russian traditions.'

The businessman said that his managers contacted the streaming company in China first. They did not even hope for a response. When they received Chinese characters in the reply, they were at a loss and urgently started looking for lawyers with knowledge of Chinese. The first cooperation agreement has already been signed. The main condition is that the Chinese want to watch the bathhouse rituals of the attending Russians online live.

The project founder from St. Petersburg stated that the Chinese are preparing a whole reality show: the viewers will guess (and bet on) how long a participant will last in the steam room or what those sitting at the table are discussing. When asked, 'Why are you doing this?' the St.Petersburgh businessman simply answered, 'To make money from donations and views.' For those Russians who 'don't sweat it' and are ready to steam in front of the whole world, the visit will be free."


When I read this, I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. If this enterprise becomes successful, it will be such a great testament to human gawkiness and gullibility. Why would anyone want to watch red-hot people steaming to running sweat and getting slapped with a "sauna whisk?" A sauna whisk is literally a broom that is typically made from bundles of leafy branches, such as birch or oak, and is used in Russian and Finnish saunas to gently beat or massage the body, promoting circulation and enhancing the steaming experience. "Opening the skin pores for cleansing and breathing" is an important part of the experience. And how interesting can the bathers' conversations sipping hot tea and eating traditional Russian food at the table between the steaming sessions really be for the outsiders to the Russian culture?

But then, how is it different from endless "reality TV shows" that are so popular all over the world now? If anything, this will be at least more "real" (if they don't start distributing roles and scripting the bath sessions) and honest: those Russians who are not shy and want to earn some money by bathing, steaming, and talking in the bathhouse are adults and know what they are doing and those Chinese willing to pay to watch will hopefully learn something about another culture's traditions and maybe win a bet or two. And the AI can provide the translation.

If this experience is successful, it can be franchised to broadcast other traditional and patriotic activities of Russians such as mass feeding of blinis (traditional Russian pancakes) from large shovels during the national celebrations like in this video:

Or raising the Russian kindergarten children to play with war toys, goose march, dance and sing military songs while assembling and disassembling AK-47s.

Or streaming the "warrior patriots," whom mercenary Vagner had recruited from prisons, return from their "service" in Ukraine and beat their wives, discipline their children, or have existential "arguments" with their drinking buddies that usually result in mutilations and death.

The possibilities are endless.

We are truly living in a New Brave World.

satiretechnologyfinancefact or fictioncontroversies

About the Creator

Lana V Lynx

Avid reader and occasional writer of satire and short fiction. For my own sanity and security, I write under a pen name. My books: Moscow Calling - 2017 and President & Psychiatrist

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Comments (4)

  • Cody Dakota Wooten, C.B.C.17 days ago

    Human beings truly are fascinating... not always in a good way, but still boggles my mind either way.

  • Shirley Belk21 days ago

    It is very sad indeed.

  • What the actual hell did I just read? I hate reality tv shows and this by far is the stupidest one that I've heard of. Are people actually that dumb???? Like I don't even know what to say!

  • Lamar Wiggins21 days ago

    I'm with you, I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Silly Russians, starting to feel the money crunch huh? Interesting article, Lana.

Lana V LynxWritten by Lana V Lynx

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