Tiny Purse Tyranny

I feel like this trend that I absolutely despise has been overshadowed by 2020's baffling low-rise pants, exposed thongs, and of course, the incorrect mask (it goes over the nose). This trend that I am about to mention has been hiding. I'll see it every now and then, but never quite in its full force. But, it does have the potential for a comeback, so I'm hoping to squash that possibility right now.

The tiny purse. I'll start off by saying what even is it? And, why did it grow so popular? I know it's not the best etiquette to back a question up with another question, but this one was warranted. I've never been so genuinely confused.

My whole life, I've gotten these feelings of maybe I was missing out on some overreaching human secret; I just didn't get some trends. I was an outcast in middle school for never budging on the silly bandz trend. Quite honestly, I'm thrilled with my historic decision, it made me a martyr for fashion. The black eyeliner on the lower waterline made me happy I was years late to wearing makeup. And now, tiny purse has never made me more proud of missing out. It also made me realize I'm not weird- you are.

Let's start out with what fashion typically is all about: looks. Let's be honest, we've all worn those uncomfortable heels that scarred our feet for life after just one night out at the club. But this goes beyond that, it doesn't even look good? Not only did they make baguette tiny purses, but they made crossbodies... It's like fashion threw up on itself. The worst part of this trend is that designers actually fell for it and adhered to a trend that was controlled by Gen Z.

Also, have you ever seen someone with a tiny purse? Like really seen someone holding a tiny purse? The human to purse ratio is enough to make someone uncomfortable. Imagine being at a bar and the most important things you have on your person are hanging desperately to life between your thumb and index fingers. It is quite literally a recipe for disaster and tests my patience for the human race.

I had also noticed that for some reason, majority of tiny purses are crocodile skin. It's like the entire world forgot about sustainability and animal cruelty. Then on top of that, they had outrageously high prices for these cigarette packs of a bag. Brands were truly charging double the price for one quarter of the product. A Jacquemus tiny purse runs at roughly $1.1k, let that sink in. Maybe the fashion industry really was laughing at us, and not conforming. But still, shame on you for making more.

Now that I'm done raving about the obvious hideous looks of the tiny purse, let's get into my favorite topic for discussion: functionality.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that there is absolutely no functional purpose in tiny purses whatsoever. What can you even hold in one? I've seen some so small it won't even fit a debit or credit card. And, as an outsider looking in, it made me wonder, "Does anyone truly hold anything in there?" I honestly don't know the answer.

There's also some tiny purses that truly test the boundaries of human ingenuity. If you simply Google search "tiny purse," you'll be greeted by tiny purses held on the red carpet that are barely larger than your pinky finger. For what? Where is your phone? Where is your ID? Where is your sense of shame?

It's beyond the confines of my knowledge why an animal was killed and why sweat shops were used in order to manufacture a one inch by one inch piece of fabric that serves no functional purpose. But, as stated before, maybe I'm just not catching onto something.

If you are a victim of this trend, I don't doubt it wasn't your fault. We've all been there (except me), where you give into trends that will make you cringe when showing your children photos of your younger self. Let's correct this now, though, and never let tiny purses see the light of day again.