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You're In the Army, Now!

Whacked Out WAC

By Donna GilchrestPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Remember the old movies where the men joined the French Foreign Legion in order to forget? Well, I guess you could say she did the same when joining the Army. Her personal life was in an uproar from a break up to your place of employment for the last 4 years going, "Belly Up." In other words, she joined for all the wrong reasons but was determined to make the best of things. She was to go to AFEES, (Armed Forces Examining and Entrance Station) in Boston first, then travel by subway to the airport to catch a flight to lovely Fort Jackson in Columbia, South Carolina. This was her first attempt at navigating the subway system and she was having difficulty. She would ask someone which line to take, not realizing she also had to know which direction the airport was in. She took the green line, got off and found she had traveled the wrong direction. After some time doing this, she eventually set her bags down and burst out crying, partially from sheer frustration. A man working for the T spoke to her and explained how to navigate the underground. At last, she arrived at the AFEES building. When she finished her business and was preparing for her flight, she made a stop at a restroom to use the facilities and to freshen up before her flight. At one point, she set her eyeglasses on top of the waste basket in order to wash her face when she watched them slip off the barrel and smash on the floor. "Great," she thought, just what I need, I am nearsighted meaning I can't see far away and now I am visually impaired. What a way to begin your enlistment. She boarded the plane and settled down to await her arrival.

The plane eventually landed in Columbia, South Carolina and she was en route to Fort Jackson. As soon as she arrived on base, drill sergeants were yelling to the new recruits and the task of being processed and issued uniforms and supplies began. At some point, the drill sergeant began talking about having a GI party that night. She thought, "How cool, my first night here and there's going to be a party." Boy, was she ever so sadly mistaken. She found out the hard way that a GI party consists of the enlisted gathering together in the barracks in order to do some heavy duty cleaning. What a disappointment. As time progressed, she was supposed to learn all the different insignia in order to correctly address someone such as, Colonel or Captain, etc. For some reason, she couldn't seem to get them straight so she would consistently use the excuse that she recently broke her glasses and couldn't see well enough to correctly identify another soldier.

Even when she finally got her Army issue corrective lenses, she refused to wear them as they made everyone look like a dork. So, she would tell that line each time and she got away with it. She managed to get through boot camp without wearing the dorky Army-issued spectacles! A few days later, it was time to head to the rifle range. She had never picked up a firearm in her life and was not familiar with the proper way to hold an M-16 A-1 semi-automatic rifle! She lay prone on the ground and held the rifle near her upper body, aimed and pulled the trigger. What she was NOT expecting was the horrible recoil the punched her straight in the throat. After choking and gasping for a while, she quickly deduced that one must rest the butt of the rifle in the crook of their shoulder, not near their Adam's apple! The next day, the recruits were to go on bivouac, which is a French word for camping. The soldiers were transported in "cattle cars" and brought into a densely wooded area. They were told to pair up and pitch a tent together. Having been born and raised in the city, she had no idea how to accomplish this feat. To make matters worse, her tent mate also was clueless! So, they began trying to figure out how to set up a tent when one of the drill sergeants yelled, "Flood." When this happened, we were told we had to scramble to the top of a steep sand hill and stay there until the words, "All clear," were uttered. This went on several times and everyone was getting a kick out of it. For some reason, the recruits were later brought back to base without actually camping in the woods and she never did learn to properly pitch a tent.

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About the Creator

Donna Gilchrest

I am a 65 years young single female with an interest in writing, mostly comedy. I have had some funny events in my life and I wish to share some humor to, hopefully, make people laugh.

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