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What Is This Journey?

The beginning of a strange journey into my psyche.

By Tim LawsonPublished 6 years ago 6 min read
1
Highland Contemplation _ edited with Polarr

I wish I could think of something quick whited to say here. I wish I could tell you exactly how this journey will go, or what direction I want to take. To be honest though, if you are reading something I've written, you are one of those who enjoy piecing together the random thought fragments into a strange and twisted story that reads as my mind and life.

I cannot tell you that I'm going to offer great tips for editing photos, camping tricks, trip ideas, life hacks or any other one idea. What I can tell you is that I intend to do on here what I am doing in the manuscript I am currently piecing together, in similar fashion at least.

You see, my mind is this screwed up set of cells that exist purely to think about everything, nothing, and a few other whatevers most of the time. Daily I think of things from good to bad, and amazing to the truly dark. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that whatever it is I choose to type will be different day to day. I might give camping tips and tricks, photography guides, or even just catalog my life in photography, motorcycle riding, radio control rock crawling, or a million other things I feel like getting into on a daily basis.

So with that being said, if I haven't scared you off just yet, keep reading and see where we find me today.

As I sit here typing away and sipping a decent scotch I can't help but try to think about anything but today's events...failing horribly I might add. So I guess I'll start this whole beginning story of mine with an introduction, boring I know, nonetheless here goes...

I was a normal boy, born in Northern Indiana, and that's about where it stops. About the time I was figuring out how to be a person my grandmother, probably my favorite person in the world, passed away which was followed shortly by my dad leaving my mom and I. After that I left all my friends, we moved our home...literally, we moved our mobile home several counties away, that's right I lived in a trailer. Then we lived on my uncle's land and I began for a few years getting adjusted once again until my mom decided to home-school me, which was fine by me, although there are a few emotional turmoil points through in there throughout.

Following a life that seemed to do nothing but get harder and less likely to continue as anything but below poverty level, things finally started looking up. My mom re-married to a guy with his own family issues, but nonetheless an amazing guy. We moved back to where I had grown up to begin with, although out in the country now. I started getting more involved in farm, family, life, and a lot of other things made possible by hard work...yeah I've had a job since I was 11 so I've been around a few places. I finally graduated home-school, went to college where I became a pilot and met a great girl who I followed out to Kansas and married.

That's about the point when things kind of tapered off a bit.When I moved out to Kansas, where I went to college and considered the general aviation capital of the world...yes the world, I thought I was going to get a job as a flight instructor, work my way up a bit and maybe eventually move off somewhere to run a flight school, fly for a commuter or something similar. What happened instead was that I was turned down for job after job and only survived by working jobs offered through a temp agency which ranged from airport janitor to skid steer test operator. After a few months of jumping around between jobs I finally tired of the threat of losing my job every week so I went out job hunting in other areas.

I found work where I learned, and succeeded quite well as a commercial lawn and garden mechanic for a John Deere dealership. I wasn't making a fortune, I wasn't flying but I was doing something I found interesting. I did this for a while, finally feeling like I was getting back on the up-slope of life once again, for a short while at least.

After about a year of working on small engines and living in Kansas I started realizing that I was never going to do anything remotely close to what I once hoped for unless something changed...enter the US Air Force. I won't hide from the fact that I'm military, I tell people to try and conceal the fact on a daily basis even though I rarely do...I'll circle back around to why later, and maybe more laters.

Regardless, I decided to join in an effort to find stability in my life by providing for myself and my partner while also serving my country which I felt very driven to do. So I joined and instead of becoming law enforcement like I had hoped, I became a security guard in the frigid tundra that is North Dakota. There I served for just over 6 years in semi-misery coupled with the bright light that was the massive amount of flight instructing I was able to do part-time.

During that time, even amid what I guess was an invisible struggle, we had my son. Now understand, I cannot tolerate children, even my own is difficult, but I wouldn't trade him for anything...more on that later I'm sure. Finally things were looking up again, even with a few hiccups, before moving more upward when I got an assignment to England. We moved overseas and began working in a very good position which has set me up for many routes in my future...not all is sunshine and roses though.

I finally found the will power to seek a divorce at one point over here which led to it's own difficulties. I have since struggled to find my way ahead in life. I have an amazing partner to help me along the way, but life still seems to be seeking to see just how much I can take as a person.

My life has seen much death, pain, suffering, joy, happiness, relaxation, and stress upon stress. I have not misguided thoughts in thinking that my life is more difficult than any other life out there. I do however feel that my life is about what I can handle without snapping...something I fear above just about anything else.

Anyway, enough of my introduction into who it is I am. If I still haven't scared you off I hope that you come back for more. I'm not sure what I'll talk about next but just my rambling seems to calm my mind to an extent. Sitting here with my music, whisky, and my thoughts being thrown out for anyone to see. If nothing else I will take peace in the thought that maybe in all this typing I will find my own peace...I guess anything is possible.

--Donatello

veteran
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About the Creator

Tim Lawson

There isn't much to tell about me. Well, there is a ton to tell about me. I don't know how to put it into words without writing a book, or not telling enough of the story. So, I'll just leave it at that & let my writing tell the story.

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