Memorial Day

Robert and his wife Emily were up early today. Each year they hosted the annual neighborhood Memorial Day BBQ, a special point of pride for Robert who had served for 8 years in the Marine Corps. Those days were long behind him and he had settled into his new career as an Operations Manager at the nearby vehicle manufacturing facility. His wife was an adjunct professor at the local community college.

It’d been 6 years since he left the Marine Corps and 3 years since the manufacturing facility opened up.

Robert opened the garage door and carried a bag full of trash around the corner to the trash can. He tossed it inside and was pulling the can to the street, when he heard a voice from behind him.

“Hey asshole! When’s this shindig get underway?”.

He recognized that voice. It was his best friend from the Marine Corps, David. They deployed twice together and had shared many laughs, wild times and drunken nights together.

Robert turned to face his friend. “David you sonofabitch, how the hell are you?”

David shrugged, and replied “Not good, not bad, just around, ya know?”

Robert did know. He’d lost several friends over those 8 years in the Marine Corps and despite the life he’d built for himself, those friends were always on his mind. He was happy, but there was a piece of him that would always be...over there.

Robert half smiled and chuckled. “Yeah, I know man. I know. Why don’t you come on back and help us get set up?”

“You still married to that cute brainiac you were dating back in the day?” David asked.

“Emily? Yes, She’s an adjunct professor at the community college, teaches history.” Robert said.

David grinned. “I’m definitely coming back then, you know you married way out of your league right, cause you’re ugly as fuck. I mean really dude, how did you land a gal like that, when it looks like the village that raised you, all got together and beat you with the ugly stick once a year on your birthday?”

“Well, you’ve seen me naked, so...you know.” Robert quipped back.

David got a puzzled look on his face, “Yeah, I have, so again how did you land her?”

They both let out a hearty laugh and walked towards the gate that led into the backyard. Roberts' two kids, Isaiah and Lily were playing tag. Oblivious to the world around them in only the way children can be. Their laughs brought a smile to both men’s faces as they sat down to reminisce.

“It’s been what...8 years since we’ve seen each other dude, how has life been?” David asked.

Robert grabbed a beer and offered one to David, who politely refused, “I don’t do that anymore man, but thank you.”

Robert shrugged and used the bottle opener on his key chain to crack open a bottle of Lone Star Light, “Yeah man, 8 years. I’m glad you could make it today. It’s been too long and honestly, as great as everything is, I’ve missed...this.”

“Remember the time, like almost all of 3rd platoon went to that country western bar in San Diego, and that hick called Jones ‘boy’?”

“Oh my god, yes, Jones just casually turned and knocked the ever living dog shit out of that guy.”

“As I recall his friends were none too pleased at a young black man rocking their friend like that.”

“They were not, but they also didn’t realize Jones was rolling deep with 22 other dudes.”

“We beat their asses so fucking bad man. I don’t know how we got out of there before the police arrived. Staff Sergeat was fucking pissed cause we all had black eyes and scrapes but all we told him was that we’d played rugby for PT over the weekend.”

As their laughter subsided, Robert got quiet. “I still think about Jones. He was a great dad. I still catch myself some days, wishing it was me the sniper got. Do you know how his girls are doing?”

“Yeah last I saw, they were uh, in middle school, 6th and 8th grade. One of them is trying out for the choir, the other is an absolute monster on the 110m hurdles. She could get a scholarship is the rumor.”

“At 13?”

“Yeah, man there’s a lot of hype for her.”

They both looked out across Roberts backyard, the kids playing, the hot south Texas sun starting to warm up the air against a surreal blue sky. A blue sky not unlike the one on the day Jones was killed exiting that house in Mosul.

“You know, we stayed in that house way too long. We should have left 10 minutes earlier.”

“C’mon man, you’re still on that? You were a Lance Corporal on your 2nd deployment, were you just going to walk up to Lt. and tell him to leave now cause you had a bad feeling about it? Would he have even fucking listened? Don’t gimme that bullshit man. I could just imagine Lt. ‘Aye aye Lance Corporal.”

“I know, I just...you know how you know...you get that weird feeling in your gut that’s hard to place, but you just know something is off?”

“I know man, I know ok, but it wasn’t your fault. And before you start in, on Simmons and Gutierrez, that wasn’t your fault either. How the fuck were you supposed to see the IED from 3 vics back as a backseater? How motherfucker? How?”

Robert felt ashamed of himself, hearing David’s admonishment. He knew he was right, but there was being right and there was the burden he carried. The two were like oil and water, no matter how hard he tried, they just didn’t coalesce.

“How are you doing though, how have you been since getting out?”

“It was touch and go there for a while, if I’m being honest,” Robert said as he took a sip. “I almost lost her you know? I was really angry and couldn’t stop. My anger was like a drug. When something didn’t go exactly as planned, angry. When we were one minute late, angry. It felt like if I could do the right things now, if I could make sure I never made another mistake again maybe they’d all come back. Jones, Simmons and Gutierrez. I blamed the insurgents, I blamed command, and worst of all I blamed myself, but I felt like...if I was angry enough, that made it ok. I’m not sure why I felt that way. Looking back it was so foolish of me, but day in, day out I’d shout, I’d scream...I couldn’t stop no matter how much I hated myself or hated everyone else. I know, it doesn’t make much sense.”

David, looked at him curiously. “What changed?”

“Emily came to me one night crying. We hadn’t fought in like two months, but she begged me to get help. She said that she loved me and she wanted to spend forever with me, but she was worried about my safety and her safety. I tried to console her and tell her I’d never hurt her or myself, but it was deeper than that. She mentioned how angry I’d get at drivers on the road, or minor inconveniences in life seemed to just set me on the warpath and she was worried that I’d get us into a dangerous situation because of my temper, because I was reactive. I wasn’t in control.”

Robert looked down as he spoke those words. David didn’t say a word.

“I knew she was right. I didn’t want to admit it, but she was right. Everything seemed to set me off. I was damn sure I was going to lose her and the kids that night. The next day I googled psychologists in my area and called until I talked to a real person, not a machine, fuck I hate talking to machines. Mental health of all places, and you have to talk to a fucking impersonal, cold machine, fuck that shit. But when a real person answered, I talked with them for about five minutes and we set up my first session.”

“Just like that huh?” David asked suspiciously.

“Fuck no, shit got worse, I would go and see the therapist every two weeks and in between the sessions it seemed like all Emily and I did was fight with each other. It fucking sucked bro. We stopped having sex, we barely spoke to each other for almost 3 months.”

“Fucking therapy. Shit, they just get you going in circles and charge you a hundred bucks at the end. More fucking confused than when you went in.”

“Yeah, I cursed out my therapist on my fourth visit. Straight up told him ‘Doc this entire exercise is fucking pointless, my wife and I barely speak, we always fight, I thought this shit was supposed to help, but now I’m not even getting laid anymore man, what the shit?” Robert laughed.

“And?” David asked.

“That fucking guy, that asshole told me to trust the fucking process. Yeah, ok dude. Whatever. But I remembered Emily coming to me, crying and so, against my better judgement, I kept going.” Robert chuckled again…

“By month 8, Emily and I had started talking again, but talking like we did when we first started dating. We would go on walks in the evening together, laughing and telling stories about how our workday went. I started helping with dinner and other household chores again...somehow that therapist Jedi mind tricked me into saving my marriage. I don’t know how it happened, I just know that today, I’m here with Emily, I’ve got a great job, and...David, if you tell anyone that I told you, I swear to God, I will punch you straight in the dick...nobody else knows. Emily is pregnant again.”

A surprised and shocked look came across his face. “Do you know the sex yet? Another boy? Another girl? C’mon dickhead you’ve got to tell me!” David leaned over and stared Robert in the eye, “Don’t be a dick, tell me.”

“It’s a boy, we’re naming him David.” Robert smirked as a big grin crossed David’s face.

“Fuckin’ A right man, bout time you named one of your kids after the finest warrior you know.”

“No, no , no I said we’re naming him David, not Robert,” Robert said as he punched his old friend in the shoulder.

David let out a huge belly laugh and slapped Robert on the back, “You fucking asshole, I love you man.”

The door opened and Emily came out, barely showing any hint of pregnancy.

“So I ask you to take out the trash, and this is what ends up happening, you back here relaxing and having a beer while I get the rest of the food ready?”

David and Robert exchanged knowing looks. Robert was in trouble. “I’m glad you made it today. I’ve really missed you brother and I love you.”

“Me too man, me too.”

Emily gave him a puzzled look. “Who were you talking to anyways?”

Robert looked around. “Just an old friend dear, just an old friend.”

He smiled, kissed Emily on the forehead and motioned the kids towards him.

“Hey kids,” Robert called to the children, “Do you guys want to hear another story about your Uncle David and how he got us all in trouble on my birthday?“

“Robert,” a slight frown crept across her face.

“I’ll keep it PG,” Robert said.

“More like, G please,” Emily quipped.

“Alright, alright, rated G”

“So no shi...no joke there we were at a stri...uh dance club and…”

“ROBERT!” Emily shouted from inside.

Robert laughed

“What’s mommy upset about daddy?” Asked Isiah.

Robert and David laughed.

“Nothing son, nothing at all,” said Robert.