It's been twenty years

Hello Sir,

It was nice getting in touch with you. It has certainly been a long time since we have crossed each other's path. The years have passed by entirely too quickly for my taste.

The last time we spoke was at the homecoming, and it's hard to believe how much has changed since then. Life is such a strange journey; you never know what will come next or who might end up being part of your story!

I am glad that I got the opportunity to catch up - they say familiarity breeds compatibility which makes sense considering all our stories are unique just like every individual here on earth...

We were both deployed in 2009-2010 as dual military parents, our new challenge involved co-parenting. His father had just been discharged from the Navy. I extended my time on the ship to accept a new set of orders for San Diego, which ended up being a huge mistake. That story's for another time. I wanted to make sure our son still had every opportunity available to spend time with his father even though our relationship didn't work out.

My husband and I faced emotional challenges which made our marriage hard to salvage. As time passed we learned our friendship became stronger when our son was a priority. Our marriage was just one of many marriages tested during this time, some succeed navigating through this challenge, others not so much. Looking back, I didn't realize how much support I needed. Mental health is often looked at as a hindrance to success, instead of something that requires care and understanding to assist in said success. I was a woman with a duty to her country, while secretly praying, crying on the inside that her loved one would be alright. Many would say that I knew what I signed up for, do you know how horribly ignorant that sounds? I don't think anyone takes the time to see any situation from multiple perspectives. Was all this stress good for me, for the baby?

**I found myself wondering if I could be able to finish my active duty time if anything happened to him. How would I be able to provide for my son. I know this is the normal concern of a person who is married to someone with a high stakes job, but there was so much weight I was carrying being a wife, active duty, and a mother. While other wives were complaining about not being able to speak to their husband via email on a ship, I was wondering if I sent enough baby wipes to my husband because they had no running water. While they were complaining about ship phones being cut off, I had to worry about how long it has been since we last spoken, was he alive? They just couldn't relate, I was stuck in the middle because the civilian wives couldn't fully understand my struggle either. They seem to have it in their heads that military life is something you can flip on and off with a light switch.

By now, I'm probably about seven months pregnant. I have been watching the news every day, some said not to, and had I listened to them, I would have missed my husband on the news. His mother and I were watching at the time. They were having a service for the marines they had lost earlier in the week. **

So, what have we been up to since you last saw us?

I continued my time in the military and completed almost thirteen years. I was truly hoping t o complete my twenty years and maybe more. The universe had other plans. The career ender of a duty station I unknowingly selected involved people in health-care and man, they are harsh.

We both re-married, my ex had a wife and her two children. My ex-husband's family is a part of our lives, his wife and I became friends. My new husband has three amazing children that make up our family of six. Our oldest is a Marine at Pendleton, my son is going to study music and business in college, our daughter is in college studying art, and our youngest just started high school. While it wasn't perfect we navigated through new obstacles and worked on our co-parenting skills.

I started my own small batch soap company and I'm interested in starting a podcast. I'm even writing again, something I haven't attempted in a long time. I needed an outlet, I have a lot to unload and a family can only back me up for so long, you know?

We both had our losses during our time in the military, I will never equate my experience to his. My ex-husband's loss was deep, it will always be a part of his life. All I can do is continue to be a friend to him. It's been a long journey so far, all we can do is hope our son and his generation will make the difference we're all hoping for. Please stay in touch, as always, it's been a pleasure.

Sincerely,

J.M.