How To Sneak Booze Into Any Place, Any Time
Your extensive guide on how to sneak booze and save money.
If you’ve ever wanted to know how to sneak booze into… well virtually anywhere… you’re in the right place. We’ve been in your situation countless times. Maybe it’s your school prom next week, possible boring as hell work lunch or even your kids school assembly. We’re not trying to make you bad people, we’re just simply offering up helpful suggestions to get you there. So, if you need help on how to sneak booze into that football match or music concert you’ve got coming over the next week, you better stay tuned!
It was our beloved creative mind Pablo Picasso that once said ‘Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.’ And who are we to disobey? Oh… wait… But honestly going to any major event these days is unbelievably expensive. And we know we’re cheapskates, we don’t need you to tell us that. But we’re cheap skates and freaking proud! Allow us to share our ways with you. Because $8 for a glass of vino? You have got to be kidding me. Especially when our favourite low cost, probably better tasting brand only costs us $4 for the whole bottle. Did you hear that movie theaters? $4 per bottle! Now those are the prices we want to see more.
The Rihanna Experience
It was one fateful night in July, I had tickets booked to go and see Rihanna in concert. You think I’d have had a great night right? Wrong. Now, Rihanna was absolutely fabulous. She rocked that stage like the queen she is.
But me? I’d gravely underestimated how much to take out with me and my downfall was due to poor budget planning… or was it? I’d budgeted roughly $18 for parking, $80 to spend on merch, $20 on drinks and some change for snacks. That to me is quite a lot of money. Well, when you consider how much that ticket cost me, it’s a lot of money, anyway!
Everything was cool, I ordered a double vodka and coke. I was feeling quite smug, feeling myself and felt generally stoked for the concert ahead...
Until the swarthy-looking bartender came over to me, looked me dead in the eyes and said “Thank you, that’ll be $16”. If I hadn’t been trying so hard to look cool then I promise you I’d have just walked right on out of there.
But of course I was dressed up, looking fleeky, and I needed that drink! I couldn’t watch Ri-Ri without a little buzz could I? I love my friends, but when one asked me “Why don’t you leave a tip?”, I could’ve knocked the smile off of her face.
I rolled my eyes and said sure, then proceeded to leave a $2 tip. So, as you can imagine I’m pretty grumpy now. $18 down on one drink and I was not even a little buzzed. I was fuming.
Coming to the realisation that all of that could’ve been avoided if I’d have just done a quick Google search for how to sneak drinks into a concert is what grates on me the most. That’s why me and my lovely self decided to make this extensive guide for you. Well, I needed some new ideas too so it’s not totally selfless as much as I wish it was.
So for this one to work we need to picture you’re on a beach, relaxing in the summer sun and not wanting to move to go get more drinks. Or many this beach is totally family friendly (boring!) and you need a little something extra. That’s where popsicles and ice-lollies are your new best friend.
But how? Simply buy a single use syringe and fill up your popsicles with your poison of choice before re-freezing. Or, you can totally make your own and carry them in a cooler bag.
But if you have kids, please be smart about it and have some kind of method to distinguish between theirs and yours. We wouldn’t want your precious vodka going to waste would we? We mean… your children… safety… responsibilities… Yeah, as we said, that vodka was intended for your consumption alone!
Sporting events often come with "nose bleed seating." Picturing it already? Yeah, we are too. Companies actually sell super cheap and accessible flasks that look like binoculars. You’ll never have to worry about buying more drinks again!
And, by the time you’ve had a few shots you’ll forget how absolutely ridiculous you look gulping out of your binoculars. Just, remember to screw the cap back on before you pretend to have a look out into the crowd for image purposes. Okay? Good.
Now if you’re a lady this one’s going to be a little bit harder to carry off. But we suggest you still try this but perhaps using a scarf instead. You’re at work and it’s another lame-o Monday morning. You’re dreaming of that perfect scotch. But you no longer need to dream because you took our fabulous advice and snuck it into work anyway! But how? Well, you know how the inside of your tie has that little pocket thing? We think it’s perfectly designed for a miniature flask, don’t you agree? What other purpose could it possibly have? Better yet, purchase a FlaskTie and pregame before that business meeting.
We had to include this method because it’s totally usable in practically any situation. It just requires a little grafting work from you. Oh, and a whole lot of gummy bears.
All you really have to do is soak your gummies in your chosen alcohol overnight and reseal the packet before stashing them in your bag for whatever trip you may be going on. Just stay away from other people. Because as soon as they realize what you’ve done they might find you a little, err, strange. But if your friends are as dimwitted as mine they’ll probably already have their own little stash, so party on!
Err, sorry fellas. I hate tampons. In fact I think every girl does.
Well, I did.
I hated tampons until I discovered the freaking tampon flask. Yes, we just said those words and we meant every single one of them. There are flasks on the market that looks exactly like tampons.
And no security guard is going to look twice at a tampon in reality, are they? You just need to figure out how to transfer it from the tampon into the glass without making everyone around you gag because they’re super grossed-out.
We’re all still laughing at the thought of this one. But if you’re a little underdeveloped in the chesticle region then no longer will you feel ashamed. Because you have your very own alcohol sneaking-in flask...in the form of a gigantic pair of boobs.
I really want one I think more than anything it’ll be absolutely hilarious! Just try not to use this technique at an event where you’ll be seeing a lot of people you know, especially if they’re all super stuck up and have awful senses of humor. Because let’s face it, it's funny.
I think it’s safe to say we’ve covered the most weird and wonderful of the lot, right? We aimed to leave out the more boring same-same kind of ones. But if you’re an avid vodka fan then we don’t need to tell you how to sneak booze in do we?
Vodka and water look identical. So long as you have a few breath mints no-one’s going to have a clue you’re downing it straight outta… your water bottle!