Strong Tower

This piece is written for Angela Hepworth's Unofficial Challenge! (link to challenge below story)

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I was a highly repressed and closeted trans woman of seventeen years old when my dad died. After a two year struggle with cancer, my dad died in July during my final year of school. Because apparently life wasn’t hard enough as a person that felt trapped and unsure of how to explain themselves to the highly conservative school and church they attended. That was my final year of school, spent realising that We Fall Down.

A year and a half later I still struggled with so much of life, but then I stumbled upon an album in a christian book shop’s CD section. I took a bit of a gamble, I’d never heard this band before, but the album title caught my eye … ‘Strong Tower’ by Kutless. I remember thinking I could use that now.

The impact of that album and particularly the title track on my life are hard to describe. It gave me hope … hope that a life after dad was something I could get through. I didn’t have All The Words at the time still to fully understand and embrace who I really was, that would take almost another two decades … but when I listed to that album I felt for the first time in a while, God Draw Me Close and find a safe place in his Arms Of Love to wait until I was ready to accept myself.

This album has helped me through so much, I find it brings a deep calm. Fast-forwarding to late 2022 and there was that moment … something inside said you are Ready For You and the time came. I finally pushed through all the repression, all the self-hate and fear, all the rhetoric I’d heard throughout my life and I guess finally was able to Take Me In and finally understood something that took far too long ...

God doesn’t care that I’m trans, God still loves me so much that Jesus Lord Of Heaven was sent to take my place on that cross … me for who I am, no if or buts, scripture makes it clear All Who Are Thirsty can drink the water of life and be saved.

So then began a journey of finding who I was now, and I can tell you first hand, Finding Who We Are is no easy task when you are going up against 30+ years of being told that it’s wrong and sinful to be who you are. Throughout that time I kept coming back to this special album, a rock that I came to rely on all the time, and these lyrics washed over me:

In the middle of my darkness

In the midst of all my fear

You're my refuge and my hope

When the storm of life is raging

And the thunder's all I hear

You speak softly to my soul

- "Strong Tower" by Kutless

I had come through that darkness and that storm and found myself hearing Word of God Speak to me as I Lift My Eyes once again, no longer ashamed of who I am and knowing that I am a loved and cared for child of God and that while there is still pain in this life Better Is One Day that will come. I don’t know if I would have made it through that time of reconciling my faith with accepting who I am if not for this album, my Strong Tower.

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The Challenge: Why is this album of song important to you?

====================================================I'm Dry this July to raise money to help people and families affected by Cancer, in memory of my dad. If you can and are willing, please donate here:

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