She-Ra and the Princesses of Queer

My whole life I have been so sure of one thing: I am straight. So much so that I knew that if I were a guy I would be gay. There’s not a lot in this world that you can be so sure of, but I knew that the one thing that I could always count on was my identity and sexuality. For sure, an accolade for being two of the biggest contributing factors to my two-dimensional world goes to both the very traditional life I have been brought up in and the unaccepting representation of the queer community in films, tv shows and books that I divulged in when I was growing up. I had always felt that when the world was coming to accept the LGBTQIA+ community the media wanted to be a part of that world but in so many cases the writing of queer characters were so clumsily done it reeked of ‘we need to fit some form of queer into this so that we aren’t seen as prejudice’. In almost every teen drama there was a background gay couple – commonly the comedic duo – and their clumsily written presence and overly advertised queer appearance made way for so much on-screen sexual chemistry that there left no room for genuine character development and in turn love for the characters, their journeys and their representation. It was also frequently an unrealistic portrayal for the vast majority of the community they tried to represent, especially when they conformed to the well-rehearsed stereotypes.

However, despite my overbearing traditional upbringing – which by the way I have never minded as it left room for me to travel down any path I wished to follow whether professionally or personally – I have lived most of my life within the arts industry. Being a part of the arts meant I was almost always surrounded by queer friends and queer peers which had assisted, throughout my teenage years, in leading me down a certain path of questioning whether I had feelings outside my heteronormative beliefs - despite my self-assurance. In the end, in spite of several months of sitting on my bed questioning myself to the point of near interrogation I discovered that it was apparently totally normal to question your sexuality without actually being homosexual… or other. So, I put my questioning down to pubescent discoveries and growth and so I moved on… and moved… continued moving… moving more… moving still… always moving.

Until I was forced to stop. 21.

I had had a boyfriend - or so I had been led to believe, he certainly had never acted as one – and I had also been through a lot of personal hardships – medically, academically and within my family – which meant I hadn’t once stopped to see who I had become at the other side of my horrendous pubescent years. This path of self-discovery had been hindered thanks to the departure of my libido-oriented-ex and the mental mess he left in his wake. Once he was gone I was ready to avoid the love department for as long as possible and, to my shame, for an uncomfortable length of time I subconsciously shut my guy friends out of my life. This reaction is what we commonly refer to as a defence mechanism or survival instinct which I had imbued into my leisure activities as well. I went out my way to divulge in shows that had nothing to do with romance and even watching something like Outlander, which I love, I skipped over the sex scenes and felt border-line empty towards the wholesome heterosexual romance. I didn’t actually mind this feeling of nothingness because I had become fearful of anything sexual and the last thing I wanted in my life was masculine influences and this scarring impact made me feel like a “cow’rin tim’rous beastie” in the presence of males for so long. Too long.

But then, in 2019…

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Netflix’s original animated child-friendly TV series with extraordinary character and plot developments and heavy themes that adults too could enjoy. I fell in love with the series as a whole; the storyline followed a very cliché ‘hero’s journey’, but it was the unique characters, which they delved into the psychology of, that impacted me. That, and their revolutionary representations. An openly gay married couple, Bow has two dads… there’s the first nonbinary animated character, which, I hasten to add, was automatically referred to as ‘they’ without hesitation or question by the other characters… yes, straight characters of course, Bow and Glimmer are super cute together… and adorable, Kyle has a crush on Rogelio… hold up what’s just happened? Okay. An openly gay protagonist? Oh my god. Yes! Why am I so happy with this ship? Good writing? Unexpected? The fact that it’s the protagonist and the antagonist getting together like a love/hate relationship? Surely it’s not that simple because I am in love with this ship. In fact, this is the first time I have felt anything towards any form of romance in a long, long time. How did the romantic conclusion between Adora and Catra make me feel like it was healing the hole that had been eroding my happiness and comfort in my love-life for so long?

I started to question myself all over again, but so much more intensely. I rewatched The Legend of Korra and realised that I did like the Korrasami ship, and ironically rewatching Shadowhunters with an open perspective made me fall in love with the Malec ship. Was I just, I dunno, uninterested in anything anymore to do with romance that I was happy just accepting the romantic happiness from people around me and fictional characters? Were my feelings towards fictional chracters' shipping just separate to my own real feelings? Was I feeling this way because I had been scarred by the impact of my heterosexual relationship? Believe me, it would be easier to just accept and believe that, but I knew undeniably that She-Ra had been the first fictional world in my life that had proportionately embodied and migrated queer characters into the norm of their world, and in turn representing them as ‘normal’ people/species without conforming to stereotypical representations. For me, I could relate to it more realistically due to the lack of stereotyping and for the first time I felt like someone had put a part of me into a character. Flawed and loved and hated, muscular and athletic not the pretty skinny girl who gets everything and most importantly not once did Adora or Catra reek of ‘I’m gay let me represent you’. Allowing myself to embody the acceptance of truth like Catra and Adora had made me realise that certain feelings I had towards a certain gal 'friend' had been a little more than simply feelings of friendship. Something I hadn't recognised thanks to my timely departure from the love department a couple of years prior.

The series had awoken something inside of me that had been unintentionally supressed almost all my life, a denial I believed would make my life less confusing. But I was wrong, I have always been conflicted. Whether I felt attracted to guys more-so than girls didn’t matter because I had to come to terms with the undeniable fact that I did share this attraction for both genders. It's about time I just accepted my truth for the sake of myself and the people around me and own it no matter what the future may throw at me.

2021... I am moving again. 22.

The show’s openly gay protagonists has been an uplifting power in my life, one that I owe to the producers and writers, and it has made me wonder for a while now – if this kind of open acceptance for the LGBTQIA+ community was around and admired within child-friendly animated TV series in the early 2000s, would I have discovered this sooner or was I meant to find out now?

Because of this journey and my under-the-radar bisexuality, my pride playlist doesn’t necessarily celebrate artists or songs belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community but rather celebrates a series full of powerful revolutionary queer representations and a series that helped me realise that for myself the world wasn’t as simple as the black and white squares of a chess board. Everything from that series, including the fantastically written music score is what opened me up and made me feel whole again. The film score to She-Ra is what makes me happy, makes me want to dance, cry, laugh and love and reminds me that it’s okay not to be 'normal' and that is normal.

Warriors - She-Ra theme song

This is the remake of the original theme song, sung by AJ Michalka voice actor of Catra. This mysterious version which appears for the last season of the series projects the change in Catra as she realises that what she was fighting for was not worth the pain she's been causing the one she truly loves.

Promise - Catra and Adora's theme

This leitmotif anchors Catra and Adora's troubled past together and their growth as they move down opposing paths but all the while maintaining a strong bond, one that can't be outmatched or broken.

Catra's Confession

This is the unofficial soundtrack from the scene in 'Heart Part 2' when Catra confesses to Adora how she truly feels and in doing so saves her life and Etheria.