More than just being “The Gay Guy”

LGBTQIA+ communities and allies continue to fight for an inclusive and accepting society where people are free to choose who they date, kiss, and marry.

But in the pursuit of equality regardless of sexual orientation, gay men experience being pigeonholed when they get labeled solely as

The Gay Guy.

What it means to be gay

“Gay” is a term used to describe homosexuality, the orientation to be romantically or sexually attracted to people of the same sex. As simple as it is and needless to say, it is only your preference for choosing a partner.

To be solely labeled as The Gay Guy, then, means to narrow down one man’s entire identity into who they want to have sex with.

That’s absurd!

No individual can be defined solely by their sexual orientation. They are a collective product of their experiences, cultures, talents, and all that build their own rich tapestry of life.

As a result of carrying this heavy label, gay men feel frustrated and alienated because they don’t feel seen, AGAIN.

It’s like going back to the closet, only this time, they’re hiding a big chunk of their personality because people fail to recognize the depth of their individuality.

Yes, I’m gay. So what?

People sometimes think they can read your mind after they find that you’re The Gay Guy.

They have these preconceptions about how a gay man thinks, behaves, and lives. They learned these stereotypes from representations in media as well as the gay men they know in their personal lives.

While there is nothing wrong with these stereotypes, it is somehow bothering that people assume who you are based on your sexuality.

Just because I’m gay, does not necessarily mean that I’m flamboyant, fashionable, or a fan of drag. It’s great to be that kind, it’s also equally great not to be.

Wake up! Times are changing.

I’m gay, and a lot of things.

We hold different identities at once. The identity of being gay encompassing all our other identities sometimes does not make sense at all.

Why am I a gay doctor, instead of just being a “doctor?”

Why am I a gay customer, instead of just being a “customer?”

Why do people almost always associate our identities with being gay in situations that do not require such information to be disclosed at all?

If you’re not interested in my romantic or sexual relationships, what in the world has my being gay got to do with you?

Make it make sense.

It is at times difficult for anyone to understand a certain situation without standing in the shoes of those who live it.

So let’s turn it around. Say you’re a straight man, and you just achieved your physique goal in the gym. You have worked consistently hard to get those reps in and control your diet. You’re confident of what you have become.

A person finds out that you’re The Straight Guy, and he justifies your achievements by saying, “Well, he’s a straight guy, of course, he can do that.”

Or “He’s probably doing it for the girls.” Ouch.

It is such an insult to the journey you have gone through to transform yourself into a person who has high self-esteem, a winning discipline, and the grit it takes to get to almost any milestone you set yourself to.

So it doesn’t matter if you’re a straight guy or not, you made the feat!

Conclusion

Being seen as The Gay Guy and nothing else is a limiting label that constricts gay men from showing the entirety of their personality.

To break free from this, we must continuously question the stereotypes we learned about gay men, so that we can give people around us the opportunity for authenticity and self-expression.

As Walt Whitman said in his poem Song of Myself, “I contain multitudes.”

I am a writer, a son, a student, a queer man;

I am human, I can be many things at once.

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