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letter to the world

by shayna 2 months ago in Identity
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"life has a funny way of making itself exciting, hm?" - sunflower preview

letter to the world
Photo by Conner Baker on Unsplash

It was a long, humid morning in June; the soil was soaked with the last rain of May's showers, not meaning white showers but clear showers. Finally, it's the end of the school year, after what felt like years of being stuck in turmoil. The seniors have finally made it through the piles of homework, the ongoing projects, and the stuck-up teachers with their bipolar rules and wannabe "real" punishments.

This group is like that new cast member on those reality shows; they're only brought in to start trouble with an already stable system. Taller than the Eiffel Tower and stringer than a cello, they own everything and haven't even finished the first period yet. They smell weird, their hormones are jumpier than a grasshopper, and all of their faces look like a rotten pepperoni pizza from the dumpster.

These creatures are only known as...freshmen.

The second group can only be compared to a rock. They're the member who came back, knowing everything that would happen but came back anyway.

They're what we call the shakers. Idiots.

They ran through horrible teachers and did the worst electives. Their awards included not being stuffed in trash cans and having one class they liked. But they're horrid like group one, but these guys know their place on the food chain, known only as high school.

These guys are known as sophomores.

The next to last group of people are the show's favorites; everyone loves them and comes back every week just to see what they are up to.

Did Pat finally get Robert?

Did Joel eventually win that one rap battle?

Did Sasha finally take her first drink?

Whatever. You love them to death, and they are your kids. These guys raced through the halls, sat in Fix-It once, and have favorites and wisdom far beyond their years.

And some just turned seventeen at the end of the year. Driving to Rated R movies and being able to walk the halls freely during lunch, of course, are some of their awards.

This group is known as the juniors.

Finally... the worst of the group, television and otherwise.

These people have been through all four seasons; they've dealt with break-ups, make-ups, drinking, driving, texting, parties, parents, gender, you name it - they've been through it. They call you who the best teachers are, who the worst are, and that one time when Mr. T actually came to school high, or how the Principal did sleep with that one clerk.

These are your favorites, having nowhere else to go but gone. Whether they are shot with an arrow, fired with no explanation, or simply just graduate and move on - these are the people who'd you hate to see leave most... Ladies and gentlemen, my class.

Senior Class of 2015.

This is my village of Burkesville. We have your basic everyday needs.

Mini market, post office, local church no one goes to unless they need money, 24/7 bar that's packed to the walls, strip club that's still in business yet "no one" ever goes, and Bucky's Inn because we all go a little mad sometimes, right?

Summer is the town's favorite season because there's always going to be something going on.

The ninth annual Bucky Carnival, Mr. Smith's Pie contest, the coffeehouse music and Slam Poetry contest, and my favorite since I've lived here, Bucky's Lake.

The ultimate hangout where kids learn to swim in the same pond ducks are born.

Where teens get wasted and smoke in the place where General Arnold dropped dead after getting in the very first, "fist da cuff".

And the grown-ups who choke up with nostalgia as they go back to the first time they had their first date on the docks.

This place is my home; it was the last place we were before everything went wrong.

God, I gotta tell you. I love the people of this "quirky" town. They're probably my favorite, and they're a joy to watch from the park benches in Cherrymore, a local park.

By the way, I'm sorry, I forgot that you're reading this and don't actually live here!

Have you ever noticed they all claim to be something they hate? Funny, I know!

Like Mr. Flitch is the town's local preacher, he preaches against things like drinking, lust, sin, and whatever, but yet I see him leave for the bar at eight in the morning. And you know what they say about drinking before nine?

Or Miss. Rebecca Test; the town's "Virgin Saint" with millions of dollars she puts into any charity she can her name on, yet she "gets" most of that money from the elderly.

Or my personal favorite; the young, reckless, restless, beautiful, bold, stupid, and yet none of the above.

Teenagers.

Diamond Lewis: Cheerleader turned bigger, bitch, of a cheerleader. Met over a fight in the sandbox over who had a more giant bucket; mine, of course, was more prominent, and she wanted it. Our moms met over tea, and we apologized but not before I received a brand new bucket. Sweeter than candy, and she's still in my mind.

We hung out 'till the streetlights came. Riding our bikes, throwing eggs at houses, and teaching me about being a girl. I told her about me feeling more like a tomboy - she always thought I was a little boyish before anyone.

Then high school came, and so did the "fans" and "preps" and every other toxin in her life. It turned her into a fairytale monster. And that year, I lost faith after she told me, to my face, that it be best if we just, "didn't see one another anymore, " and turned away, never speaking with me again that year.

She's as broken through as me.

Don't tell her I said this but... The girl with perfect attendance missed a day. And she came back with a hickey from the local scout... He's a notorious pervert, but so was Jerry. Eat fresh!

Larry Miller: Choir boy turned hipster. Beautiful tenor voice that could make anyone cry, including me. I remember when we were kids; he told me he had this huge crush on me and that he would win me over one day with something.

So I waited for a couple of days, and that Tuesday night, he was outside of my window - mini Larry with his mini guitar and started to sing.

What was it?

A Stevie Wonder song, 'Isn't She Lovely,' that's it!

After that, I laughed and kissed him on the cheek, which back then was the grossest part about being a four-year-old. But his folks said he was a faster learner.

He was the girls' favorite. Honestly? I even liked him at a time.

But that's another moment for later if it happens.

We used to sit for hours, he'd sing, and I'd listen and sing with him sometimes. He was normal, hell he was perfect in my eyes until high school.

Till he turned, decided that fitting in was more important than friendship.

And he stopped singing, and the choir took their most significant blow that year, losing the NCF to Lincoln High because, and I quote, "Their tenors were just way better than yours." And that's when I stopped believing in loyalty.

Terrance Jackson: I love this guy to death. He hasn't changed in personality, but body-wise? Has begun to shift.

When we first met Terry, we were actually at a baseball game. I was at bat, he was the pitcher who was shocked to see a female batter because it was an all-male team.

We both gave each other that one look like, "Dude, you're a chick!" and I was like, "Title Nine, Terry. Pitch the ball," and even though he still didn't trust this feeling, he still took the pitch, and I got a home run.

After that game, he approached me and asked me how long I've been "struck" in this "form"?

And I looked at him with confusion, but then he rephrased it -

"How long have you known you were trans?"

I dropped my gear on the ground without a second thought. I turned around and ran away from him. The next day at school, he knew exactly who I was and walked right up and asked again -

"So how long have you've been trans?"

I still refused to give him a direct answer. I swallowed and walked to the lunch room.

At lunch, he sat beside me and my friend M, who I'll tell you about soon.

Started telling me about his brother and the struggle he'd been through.

And he smiled at me, and I smiled back.

I lost my ability to trust, to talk to people after that because when I wanted to sit with him and the football team. Bunch of wannabes who can't even tell the difference between a binomial and a trinomial.

And he told me it's best if I avoided that group, so I did what I did. Walked away.

Brianna Hernández: Shy girl turned punk rebel. "I can do what /i want!"

When my dad left, we met in the corner market when I needed to get medicine for my brother and took his meds with him.

Sick, I know, but this isn't about him.

Brie persuaded the store clerk to give me a three month supply, "There's a new government bylaw out. Haven't you heard? It was signed months ago, Mr. Prez just texted me how successful it's been!"

She told me as we walked out of the store, "Hey, next time I see you, better have my money,"

"No problem," and the next day, I went back to the store to pay her money. She laughed, "You good people," and boom, friends.

She said she wanted to be a marine biologist and so she could swim with the dolphins.

Haha.

And she cried when I asked her to come to Disney with us. I've never met someone who cried as hard as she did, 'till I had to do it myself. She thanked me, telling me she'd pay me back someday. But that day, I looked at her with a smile, "You're good people, Brie," and we laughed.

And then high school came around.

She cut her hair and started a band called Rebel Resistance. She wanted people to see her as this strong and unbreakable warrior. I gave up on crying because she told me one day, after catching me sobbing in the bathroom, "Gross, you're getting your sadness on me. Could I write about this for my next album?"

Ernesto, M, Rodriguez: Classic mix between geeky nerd and cute innocent, dense, guy.

It's actually cute.

Honest to his core.

I met him through Terry. His aunt had married a transgender man - Capri and Harmony Ivy.

He knew exactly what I was going through, even though I never told him a lick about myself. He was the first one to think of my unisex nickname, Char.

And Charlotte turned to Charile.

He got some people to change that for me, and I can't thank him enough for what he's done to help me through this change.

M, Terry, and all of them.

I think the black framed glasses and the plaid shirt went to his head, but he wasn't the same after middle school. He got really deep into school, Honor Society, Spanish Honor Society, on Honor Roll every quarter; which is no feat because all you have to do is suck up to the authority at "school."

Ew.

Personally, the day he told me that I was no safer at the high school because people were mean. I didn't believe him, but then all of that happened.

And I tried to tell him, and regain his friendship, but he didn't want it.

He said that I needed to leave and find a new school in the nicest way possible, "Maybe this just isn't the place for you anymore Char,"

I did leave after a month.

But it still hurt to hear him say that; that's the day I knew the only person you can truly trust is yourself.

Oh.

How could I forget the most important person in all of this?

My name is Char. Don't call me Charlotte because you see there's 'something missing downstairs,' or my light voice and flat chest give off 'femme' vibes.

I like the color rainbow, I listen to rock music, I eat pizza with pepperoni and pineapple. I'd rather spend my whole day watching T.V. and chilling with a can of soda. I can drive, see Rated-R movies, graduate high school, move on to college, and have the happy life I've read about in countless books.

I am an ordinary teenage girl with a minor, little identity crisis.

Nothing special or anything to have a riot over.

I'm just putting that out there now, so no...

"But you have-" No.

"But you sound like-" Nope.

"Since I'm trans, I must know every other trans person on the planet, right?" Even if I did, I'd probably hate all of them because that's how teens function.

But I'm normal; I'm just a new kind of standard, honestly.

Before I stop writing to wait for the others, I want to tell you I'm sorry.

Not for my friends or me, but for you.

I will show how this goes down in my head; uncensored, raw, and authentic.

So please forgive me for the language, the graphic scenes, and anything... But I do thank you for reading! It's nice to know that someone is listening and someone gets it.

See you soon,

Char 🏳️‍⚧️

Identity

About the author

shayna

digital marketing major. content creator. check out my other 'ventures via my milkshake and as always, #keeponwriting!

Milkshake: msha.ke/mindofshxynx

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Outstanding

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