I'm not broken.

For as long as I can remember, I knew I was "different." I didn't feel how everyone else did when it came to people that I liked. I never looked at another person and thought "I want to have sex with you." But I knew that's how others felt, so I acted like I did as well. I didn't want to be different, I wanted to have the same feelings that "normal" people had.

Maybe we weren't broken after all.

It's been difficult to navigate throughout the years. I forced myself to have sex with people, so I would fit in. I wanted people to like me, and I knew what I had to do to make that happen. Sometimes it was because I wanted to, but most of the time, it was because I was guilt tripped into it. Which always ended up making me hate myself.

When I learned about asexuality, that's when I knew I had found out what was "wrong" with me. But, that was also when I learned that there was nothing wrong with me. It all made sense, and I felt so relieved. I no longer felt ashamed for not wanting to be intimate in that way with anyone. I found a community where I wasn't alone, I felt validated.

After telling a few people I was close to about what I had learned, I was met with reactions that I was not expecting. I had some people tell me "You just haven't found the right person yet!" or "How can you be asexual? you've had sex before and you have a kid." My moms reaction, on the other hand, probably hurt me the most. She said "You just want a label and attention. You don't know what you are." I'm 30 years old, I know myself better than anyone.

People who are asexual just don't feel sexual attraction. We can still, and do, have sex. We can still enjoy sex. Some of us are sex repulsed, some are sex positive, and some are sex neutral. But also there's so many people who are in between or haven't quite figured it out yet. And that's okay!

No one wants to hear that they're broken, simply because they don't experience the same things as others. It doesn't feel good and makes you feel alone. There is nothing wrong with how you feel, regardless of what those feelings are. Instead, try being supportive, even if you don't understand. Ask questions. Educate yourself!

I would have never known that I was actually asexual, and not broken, had it not been for some really kind people I met on the social media. They went out of their way to educate me, when they didn't have to. Now, I want to help educate people and help others understand something they may not have ever heard of before. I want to be an advocate and an ally to everyone.

I'm still learning and evolving as a person. And I won't ever stop. I strive to be a better person, every single day. You should never give up. Always push forward, be open minded, supportive, and accepting. Just know, you are not alone. Try reaching out to people, check in on your friends, and always the best version of yourself.

I wrote this just so people can learn, and hopefully really understand, the true meaning of asexuality. I want other asexuals to know that they're not alone, their feelings are valid, and that they are seen. And we're just as "normal" as anyone else! We need more kindness, acceptance, and support in the world. Be happy!