Coming Out of the Barn

I woke up to the smell of my Dad’s cooking. I loved when he cooked breakfast, he always made sure it was enough to get through any hard day’s work. Bacon, sausage, eggs, biscuits, pancakes, anything you name it and he’ll make it. But the smell of his delicious food couldn’t take away the pain I felt from last night's fight with my brother, Justin. He had told us he accepted a job out in New York. He doesn’t even like the city, but he wanted more out of life. What more could he want, that wasn’t already right here in front of him. I couldn’t believe that he would just up and leave us here to tend to the farm by ourselves. Our parents worked their asses off on this farm, and he thinks he can just up and leave his family like that. Hell no. I jumped out of bed and rushed to get dressed, headed downstairs to the kitchen; where my Dad had a plate ready waiting for me. I smiled and went over to kiss him good morning.

Good morning Daddy, how did you sleep? He gave me a half smile back, I could tell he was saddened by Justin’s sudden news. I took a seat next to him, and began to eat waiting for his answer. I uh slept okay, could always be better. He laughed, but it was forced. I nodded, and looked around for my brother. He stormed out last night, and I don’t think he ever came back. Hey dad, where is Justin? Did he come home? He got up and went over to the sink, placing his dishes in. He sighed, looking endlessly out the window at our old red barn. He didn’t come home last night, but he made it back early this morning to start working. I nodded again. Oh yeah? I asked. He turned around and faced me. Yeah, I heard him start up the tractor this morning, and now he’s out in the barn. I dropped my fork, wiped my hands and got up to head to the barn. I could hear my Dad yell back at me. Where are you going Amber?! I slipped on my work boots. To talk to my knuckle head little brother! I yelled back, and out the door I went.

I slipped through the open crack of the barn doors, I could see him working hard. He didn’t even hear me come in. I just stood there for a moment, watching him move bales of hay. Then I started to remember how much fun we used to have in this old barn as kids. I smiled at the memories, then that smile turned into a frown. Because then I remembered him wanting to leave, and throw all of those memories away. He must have noticed that I was there at some point, because the next thing I heard was. You just gonna keep standing there Amber? Or you gonna help me out girl? I moved towards him, I think I’ll just watch you do all the work, since you’re leaving soon anyway. I could hear him grunt and mumble under his breath, but nonetheless he kept working. I mean, you won’t really get a good sense of workout in New York, like here on the farm. He quickly dropped his last bale and came for me. Look I know you and Dad don’t want me to go, but it’s my life. And I’ll do what I damn well please Amber! I rolled my eyes, he knows nothing of what the real world holds for him. He’s just a baby. And I know what you’re thinking, I’m not a baby anymore. I’m an adult, with dreams, and goals, and this town isn’t-. I cut him off. This town isn’t what?! Huh Justin?! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing coming from this boy. This town just isn’t working for me anymore Amber! Okay?! Why can’t you just accept that?! I could see how upset and frustrated he was with this conversation. He’s never made a big deal before about leaving. I mean, we’ve both talked about leaving when we were teenagers; but we never would have actually done it. I don’t know why he is so persistent. What is it about New York that is so special, that you have to move to the other side of the country thousands of miles away from us Justin?! I just don’t understand! He pushed past me. Yeah and you never will understand, because people from here never do. I had no clue what he was talking about. I will never be able to be my true self here Amber, everyone will judge me. Judge him? Is that what he thinks? But judge him for what? I walked over to him, and put my hand on his shoulder. Justin, please. I’m your big sister, you know you can tell me anything. I will never judge you, you can always be yourself with me. I tried to give him some reassurance. He turned around and headed to sit on one of the bales of hay. He patted next to him for me to come and sit. I obliged. I didn’t know what was about to come out of his mouth, so I prepared myself the best I could. Telling myself you love him no matter what Amber. We just kind of sat there for a few minutes in silence. I didn’t want him to feel like I was pressuring him, so I waited until he was ready.

Do you remember a few years ago, the night of my eighteenth birthday? I nodded. Yeah we threw you a party in this barn, strung up lights, music, the whole nine yards. It was a fun night with family and friends. I heard him scoff. Yeah a lot of fun, until it wasn’t. I had no idea what he was talking about. What do you mean Justin? He looked over to an empty corner of the barn, almost like he was remembering the night as if it was happening before his very eyes. Justin? I whispered and he began to tell me about what happened that night after the party.

Justin’s POV

Thanks for coming y’all, it was fun! See y’all later! Everyone was leaving, and Amber was saying all the goodbyes to everyone. I was starting to clean up, and she came over and grabbed me. Put that down baby brother and come dance with me. She pulled me out onto our makeshift dance floor, and started to slow dance with me. I’m not a baby anymore. I smiled down at her, it was weird how short she was; although she’s the oldest. Yeah well, as Mama used to say; you will always be my baby. She smiled and we laughed. We danced around a bit longer, until she remembered she had to help my Dad in the house. I need to go help Dad, don’t stay out here too long okay? I nodded and she walked out of the barn. I picked up a trash bag, and began to clear off the tables. That’s when I heard a creak in the barn doors. She thinks she can sneak up on me. Don’t think you can just sneak up on me like that Amber. I was startled when the voice I heard wasn’t her’s. Oh come on, I thought you liked sneaking around birthday boy. I went from startled to happy, I turned around and there he was. Smiling right back at me, as if it were the first time seeing each other. I didn’t think you were going to come, well you are late. We met each other halfway, he wrapped his arms around me and leaned in for a kiss. Better late than never I always say. I couldn’t help but smile. Best birthday ever! We kissed again. I guess it’s a good thing you showed up when you did, it’s not like we would have been able to be as we are right now in this moment. He agreed with me. Where’s my present? He just smiled, took me by the hand and led me to a corner of the barn. He pulled out a blanket and laid it out on the barn floor for us. Oh look at you all prepared. He sat down and pulled me down next to him. Look babe there's something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about for a while now. I motioned for him to continue. I’m leaving for New York in two days, and well since you're eighteen now; I figured you would come with me. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a ticket. Happy birthday my love. A rush of glee spread across my face, and next thing I knew I was leaping onto him from the excitement. I guess that’s a yes. He chuckled. It’s a hell yes baby, thank you! We can finally leave this place and be together. We hugged. Exactly baby, I already have a place for us and everything. I have friends out there that will help us and look out for us. Our faces were as close as they’d ever been. We looked into each other’s eyes, and I couldn’t help but smile. I looked into his eyes and asked him out of reassurance. No more hiding? He shook his head and repeated it back to me. No more hiding. In that moment we felt our most intimate with one another. We laid there and kissed, and things were getting hot; he removed his shirt and mine as we continued to kiss. We were immediately broken away from each other by none other than my Dad.

Justin what the hell is going on here?! He yelled, I had never seen him so filled with so much anger until now. We were both speechless, as we scrambled to get our shirts back on. Dad, this is my boyfriend, Damon. He looked so disgusted in me and us. Boyfriend?! Your boyfriend?! I nodded. He pointed to Damon. You get the hell out of my barn and off of my property, don’t you ever show your face around here again or I’ll kill you boy! Damon ran as fast as he could, and I never saw him again. Dad beat me that night in the barn, telling me it was a sin for me to lay with him. He saw my ticket for New York and ripped it up. I knew then that I had to leave one day, once I saved up enough money for a place. No one would ever understand why my Dad hates me, for being me.

Oh Justin, come here. I hugged him so hard and he just cried. I’m so sorry, I never knew that happened that night. Why didn’t you tell me? He lifted up. Dad made me promise to never tell a soul. I pulled him back to me, and we sat in silence again. Crying together. I love you no matter what, and I just want you to be happy. And if leaving will give you that happiness, and allow you to be your free self; then I support you and I am here for you Justin. He pulled away and wiped his face. Thank you Amber, I just want to live as me; and not as someone Dad wants me to be. I could understand that. You just leave Dad to me, okay? He listens to me. He kissed my cheek. That’s because you remind him of mom. We laughed. Yeah that’s true, come on. I grabbed his hand and we headed for the barn doors, arm in arm. I’m going to miss you baby brother. He rolled his eyes. I’m not a baby anymore. We said in unison, Like Mama used to say, you’ll (I’ll) always be my (your) baby. We smiled and laughed, coming out of the barn.