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Changing the world 1 opinion at a time

by Casey Close 2 months ago in Identity
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Strong. Brave.

One of the hardest things for me personally is to express and tell my story, my journey of life. The why me, why do I have to live this difficult different life ?

The fear of being different, being rejected or possibly being killed, it’s always in the back of my mind but who wants to live a life in fear..right ? I have always been different since age 3 and let me tell you when I turned 5 I had no fear, I knew who I was.

This is where the opinions come into play. This is a big topic that sparks a lot of opinions. Being transgender.

My mom always told me “you know, at age 3 I bought you a dress on your birthday and you cried and cried until i returned it” or “at age 5 I took you into the store to shop for cloths and we were in the girls section and you turned to me and said “I’m not wearing this stuff”and walked right into the boys section.”

No fear, but as I grew older things got a little tougher, why? Well, I’m 36 and at that time, transgender wasn’t really educated or known is how I put it. So all I knew was I was different.

See, I grew up in a small town and everyone knew me as the female who looked like a boy. Fun, right ? For me, it was all about trying to “fit” in because I never really seen me as a female so I would do everything my brothers did but that all started to change as time went on and I got older.

Through elementary things weren’t that tough for me but then middle school hit and that’s where the real struggles began.

I hated every part of my body but I tried the best I could to adjust to the changes in female puberty. I still didn’t understand why I was different and why I couldn’t do certain things but I always got told “because your a female.” To me, I wasn’t female and didn’t understand why me, why is this happening and why am I different.

High School! Oh man, I hated high school. I got to play sports but I wasn’t really able to play. I was always the topic of talk. I had no friends, my only friend was my cousin but I did find a friend who was a girl and she turned into more then just a friend and she personally saved my life.

I told her how I’m male but my body says otherwise and she showed me even though I was different, I could still be loved by someone but her dad found out and moved her away from me when I was a junior. Life, gotta love it right?

I graduated from high school but missed out on the important things such as prom. I never got the chance to go. My experience of high was being bullied, not having friends, couldn’t really play sports, didn’t know why I felt the way I felt and so forth. Hated it!

Bam! Hello 21 century hits ! The talk of transgender final comes around and how people are changing their genders. In my mind, I knew that was me but I was scared. I grew up female body and male inside so why not continue? I made it this far.

I eventually moved to a bigger town. Got older and found friends that were in the LGBTQ community. Some of my friends were in the transition to female to male and that got me thinking. I saw how happy they were, heard the story’s of the transition and what it all consists of and how expensive it can be.

No one really thinks or sees the struggles and cost it can be trying to get your body to look like what you feel. People always asked me “how do you know your transgender?” I always said, “when you look in the mirror and see someone different, that person looking back at you is not how I feel, that’s how!”

I am now on testosterone and have been for 3 years and let me tell you, it was the most amazing feeling to know this is the start of me. To finally to see and feel who I am in the mirror.

I hope this reaches and touches the hearts of those who are scared or think I’m alone because in the end just remember “your not alone!”

Change is hard and opinions come from all directions. Hate, Love, just remember who you are. I am here to help change the world one opinion at a time.

Identity

About the author

Casey Close

I am living a life that most would say is a challenge but its who I am.strong.brave.if I can impact one person and let them know their not alone or just get that one smile. It’s important to educate. We all have different opinions.

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