Being Nonbinary in a corporate office.

Being nonbinary and working for my city is definitely...interesting. Have I faced any real discrimination? No. Am I not fully out in an office of people who don’t quite understand what I’m “all about”? Oh yeah.

Lets start with dressing for the office. Some days, I look super feminine, in a dress, eyeliner on point, all that. Other days, I’m in a big button up, no makeup, whatever pair of pants I wrangled that morning, feeling more masculine. Does this make people look at me weird? Yes. Do people perceive me in a different way based on what I’m wearing? Sort of? I almost feel as though me presenting more masculine on any given day is simply seen as me not “putting in the effort”.

Better yet, on some days, I am dressed masculine, but strolling into the office with a full face of makeup, a proper bra on, (as opposed to a sports bra or binder) and my buzz cut dyed whatever colour I’ve decided it to be at the moment. Sure, I get well meaning compliments, but I am also met with confused gazes and “Oh! You look...good!”

The way I’ve gone about my name is that I’ve just shortened it to “Sam”. Nice and easy, however since it’s not a legal change, the name “Samantha” shows up on my email signature, on my paperwork, and sometimes, it’s the name that shows up in people’s mouths. Which is fine, I’m used to it, but it’s certainly not what I prefer.

As mentioned, I’m not really “out” as nonbinary in the office, but I think most people get the gist. There’s two lovely ladies, one being the person I work under, and another who happens to be my friends Mom, who know my whole “situation”, and they’re lovely about it. The rest of them, though? Likely a little confused. To top it all off, I am also disabled, and plus size, which are both factors that change the way I navigate the office. I am also neurodivergent, so when it comes to something simple like choosing a chair to sit in, it’s a lot of “Hmm, this one is tight on my thighs. Hmm, this texture is bad. Hmm, this one is hard on my back.” type struggles. Basically, I am the office weirdo. Don’t get me wrong, they don’t make me feel weird or ostracized in any way, which I’m super grateful for, but there are a lot of challenges I have to face when it comes to doing my job.

We had a very interesting conversation the last time I was at the office. (Currently, we work from home.) It was in regards to Demi Lovato’s recent coming out as a fellow nonbinary human. Naturally, I beam with pride when I think about that. There really aren’t many other people like me in the media, so to have something to connect with is something that I enjoy. The conversation was met with some confusion, though. “What’s nonbinary?” “Oh, that’s a new term.”

Once it was explained, people seemed to be satisfied with the answers, but I feel I missed a perfect opportunity to go “Hey, me too!” However, my anxiety got the best of me with that one, and I stayed silent.

I don’t know if I really feel the need to “come out” in the office, but it would be lovely if people referred to me using they/them pronouns.

All this to say that I am a young, confused enby in a traditional office setting, trying to navigate their way through the world.

I really want to hear people’s thoughts on this. Are you also a confused office enby? Maybe you’re a confused office queer? Let me know. Much love, and happy pride month.