As a Closeted Bisexual, the Gay Jokes About Shawn Mendes Feel Personal

On November 17, Shawn Mendes and Camilla Cabello broke the internet when they announced their break up after over two years of dating. As suspected, many took the opportunity to unleash the monster Shawn has been running from his entire career: the speculations about his sexuality.

Like Shawn, I too have faced speculations about my sexuality for most of my life. The difference is that mine didn’t come in the form of viral internet jokes. In middle school, it came in the form of rumors about my best friend actually being my girlfriend. In high school, it came when talking to a classmate of mine about someone I was dating at the time and him automatically assuming the person was a girl. In college, it came from someone I went to church with running into me and my female friend in a movie theater and “lovingly" asking me what kind of relationship the two of us had.

Every time these speculations came up, I (also like Shawn) made it very clear that I was straight. Just because I was a tomboy and had a lot of guy friends, didn’t mean that I liked girls. And I wasn’t wrong in saying that. Being a masculine woman does not automatically equate to being a lesbian, just the same way that being a feminine man doesn’t automatically equate to being gay. That wasn’t exactly the case for me, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not the case for Shawn Mendes. And even if it is, he should be the one to say it rather than having people force it out of him.

I recently came to terms with the fact that I am bisexual and though I came out to a hundred strangers on the internet, in my personal life, I’m still in the closet. Besides a few close friends, I haven’t told anyone in my life about my sexuality. And to be honest, I don’t have plans to do so anytime soon. From my religious family to my involvement in my church, coming out would just be way more complicated than I’m willing to deal with right now. So I’m planning to come out when I feel the time is right, something I believe all queer people should have the right to do. That’s why seeing the world try to place a gay label on Shawn Mendes' forehead (besides the fact that he might not even be gay), stresses the hell out of me.

When I was still holding onto the idea that I was straight, I hated having to defend my sexuality to other people when I saw the skepticism in their eyes. And now that I’m aware of my sexuality, I hate that the rest of the world was somehow able to know something about me that I didn’t. Why, as I grappled with my sexuality, should others have been able to take a look at me and automatically know that I’m queer? Why should they have insider information to something that it took me 23 years to realize? And why did I have to fit so perfectly into the stereotypical mold of what a non-heterosexual woman looks and acts like?

I had such anxiety facing just a handful of people questioning whether I was really straight or not so I can only imagine how difficult it is for Shawn to be faced with thousands of people basically telling him that he’s not and on top of that, making it into a joke.

Coming to terms with your sexuality can be a scary thing. It was for me. And the last thing I would want is a bunch of people laughing at me about it and being faced with a bunch of “I knew it"s and “I told you so"s.

Whether Shawn is straight, gay, or somewhere in between, it’s really nobody’s business but his own (and maybe the people he dates). Hopefully one day he’s able to escape the speculations and the jokes and just be free to be himself without society trying to decide for him.

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-Chanté