Ace of Hearts - Aromantic

It turns out in the end I am not, in fact, a late bloomer.

It turns out I’m not a flower, but a completely different plant altogether and am, in fact, a plant that does not blossom at all – and that is totally normal.

I’d had an understanding of the term aromantic for a long time. Aromantic is where a person does not feel romantic attraction, similar in a sense to how acesexual’s do not feel sexual attraction. This is on a spectrum with demiromantic and greyromantic.

My Journey (briefly summed)

Once upon a time, puberty hit and every developed crushes. Classmates got girlfriends/boyfriends and butterflies in their stomach. Everyone had heart-eyes for someone; except for me. I never related to the love songs that were all over the radio; I never understood the feelings my friends described when they went weak at the knees for someone. I did wonder, what it meant and why and if I should be concerned, I hadn’t developed a crush. I was the only one.

Instead of panicking, however, I proceeded to do the truest to my personality thing I have ever done: I decided it was a problem for another day. And no, I’m not joking. I said, ‘I won’t concern myself with this now’ and proceeded to ignore my lack of romantic attraction.

Que adulthood and it was slowly dawning on me that I’d not just gone my whole life without a partner, I’d gone without thinking of one, without developing feelings for anyone. With this realisation rather came with an answer: you're aromantic kid.

And like anyone coming to terms with themselves, que self-doubt.

The standard ‘I haven’t met the right person’ and ‘maybe I have, but not realised that that was romantic attraction’ went around like a tumble-dryer on an eternal spin. Classics.

Then que a crisis – some had a crush on me. Shock, total plot twist. And here came the second truest to my personality thing I have ever done: I avoid as much as possible. Deflected these affections with… Grace? Elegance? Whatever, I deflected and very well too, as long as the affections were subtle, which for a time they were.

Then he had to go and ask me out, directly.

“I really like you, I mean you’re something else. Will you go on a date with me?”

I politely turned him down and thankfully for me he moved to another country two months later (for reasons unrelated to my rejection, I feel I should add).

Anyhow, after this whole ordeal was when I knew, sure and sure, I was aromantic. I didn’t want this, I didn’t feel for it – and not just him, but at all.

An Aromantic Adult

If anyone has come here for some advice on how to navigate the adult world and its hyperbolic attention to love and sex in a modern world where you do not feel the same, then I am not your person. I’m still young myself and still a long way to navigate. I’ve only gotten as far as realising my identity.

I suppose I can offer a glimmer of hope that you’ll find people that’ll care for you and you for them, just in your own ways. Maybe one day I’ll have a partner that understands my feelings will be different to theirs. Maybe I’ll be single forever. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

Either way, this all feels like something for another day.

For today, I’m content with being a step closer to understanding myself a bit more.