A Woman's Journey to Self Discovery

I see you made it this far, great for you, now let’s keep going on my journey of self-discovery; when we last spoke, we talked about me figuring out I was bisexual and all that entailed, and now we are going talk about me realizing that gender doesn’t do it for me. On my road to learning about my bisexuality, I also learned about pansexuality which is not being attracted to a person based on their gender but being attracted to their personality instead. Speaking honestly, when I discovered that you could be attracted to a person’s personality and not just their gender or sex I felt the same way I did when I realized that you could like both sexes. Me realizing that I was more attracted to a person’s personality was not that big of a surprise to me, I have always said that I like people who like me and whether that is a man, a woman, or someone in between, that is ok with me.

I can still remember when I figured it out, I was watching this video of a trans person telling a story and I can remember thinking how cute I thought they were and that is what lead me to the realization that I might like every type of gender there is. People may not understand what it means to be pansexual and they may even think that it is just another made-up sexuality or gender but for a lot of people it is a real thing and they do feel that way. The saying “you can’t help who you fall in love with” is one of the truest things that has ever been said; when you meet someone and have a connection with them it should not matter what is between their legs. I realize that is not about all that, it's about what is on the inside and how a person makes you feel, and if you feel good when you are with them then that is all that matters at the moment. Life is too short to be worried about whether or not a person has all the right parts to be with you, as long as they treat you with kindness and respect then you should be happy no matter who they are or used to be.

Switching gears for a second, I want to talk about being polyamorous because my discovery of pansexuality came around the same time that I learned about being poly-amorous in which you can fall in love with multiple people at once and have multiple relationships. When that was learned the feeling of “oh I can do that” was achieved and I realized that I might be that on top of being pansexual; granted some might say it’s being greedy but I don’t see it that way. You can be in love with multiple people, as long as you are honest about it upfront you will be fine, it’s when people get to hiding it that things get complicated and feelings get hurt. I would hope that if that time ever came that found someone that I wanted to be with I would have the courage to tell the person about who I really am so they don’t feel like I tricked them into being with me. I say all that to say, my learning about one thing helped to discover a whole other side to me that I didn’t think was there or that could ever be there because yet again society tells us that it can’t.

Ok getting back to the subject at hand, I am glad that I figured out about my pansexuality when I did, it doesn’t change any major aspects of my life, it is just something that I now know is in me and will be there for the rest of my life. Me finding someone who is kind and open-minded is way more important than being with a man or a woman, I want more out of the person that I eventually fall in love with otherwise there may not be love. It is great that there are so many different ways to connect with people and that it doesn’t have to just be about sex, it goes deeper than that, forming bonds with people on a more personal level than just body parts. When I meet someone, I try to be their friend first that way I get a chance to know them first, and if more comes of that then great if not that is great too, at the end of the day I just want a good friend. I want someone that I can learn from who will challenge me and help me to be the best version of who I can be, and on the flip side, I would hope that I can be that for someone else because it’s about give and take.

Well, it seems that we have come to the end of another part of my story on discovering who I am and how I fit into the world of the LGBTQ+ community; we learned a lot about who I am as a person and who I strive to be at the end of the day. Pansexuality is something that is a part of who I am but it does not define who I am, I am a woman who is complicated with many different faults and flaws who is just trying to figure it all out before she is gone. If you have made it this far in my story then I want to say thank you for sticking it out with me and going on this journey with me and I hope to see you back here again for a new part to my story. Once again you have been anywhere else but you chose to be here with me and read about a woman who is crazy in a good and bad way, so until next time please remember to be you and love you.