The Weed Diet

If you’re a human being, then at some point you’ve thought about your weight. Whether that is because people will never let you forget it like me or it’s a secret insecurity like a lot of other people, I can help.

This isn’t a crash diet that will seriously harm you. It’s more about learning about yourself and catering your diet to your own habits and tendencies, of course with a little nudge from Mary.

As with any diet, there is no guarantee that this will work for everyone, but it certainly did for me personally and also even though she probably wouldn’t like me divulging this it also worked for my partner too.

The first thing you need to consider on this diet is your budget, if the majority of your monthly budget goes on food (including takeaways, snacks etc) then the first change to make is to tip the scales slightly, spend slightly more money on something else you enjoy. Teach yourself that your priority shouldn’t be anything more than sustenance and that you can find pleasure in places other than your stomach.

The next thing to focus on is willpower, that’s where the marijuana part of this comes in. Obviously the aim of this isn’t to knock yourself out or to give you the munchies, but rather to forget that food exists for the time being. If your impulse is to eat something, smoke instead. Whether that be a bong hit or small joint, whatever your cup of tea, remember moderation is key.

As far as guidelines for types of food of course try and include as many different food groups as possible (or take supplements for nutrition) but mainly eat things you enjoy in very small portions throughout the day and eat one main meal a day. That being said, I ate one pizza a day and a few snacks for about a year and I look like a completely different person.

If you’ve read this far and you’re thinking "WAIT this sounds to good to be true all I have to do is cut down and I can eat whatever I want?" The answer is yes... and no. You need to embrace all aspects of this diet for it to truly work otherwise it could end up having the opposite effect.

The problem most people that smoke have is exercise, me included. It’s hard to get up and get your heart racing when you’ve just had a hit and you can hardly see through your coin slot eyes. As I said before MODERATION IS KEY. If you are a 16 year old then I understand the need to get vegetated, but as an adult a mellow high from a quick smoke can be as useful as a shot of espresso. My advice, have a jog (or whatever your exercise of choice) as soon as you wake up, before you’ve had a chance to procrastinate and decide that it’s the last thing you want to do. And stop driving, walk everywhere, better for you and the environment alike.

The main thing to remember is not to strain and starve yourself as that can be as damaging to your health as being obese; listen to your body as it communicates to you everything you need to know. I stumbled across this diet on my own at the age of 17 I weighed bordering on 16 stone and at 18 years old I weighed 11 stone, after choosing to continue doing this as my lifestyle rather than a diet I weigh about 10 stone consistently. So whilst not scientifically proven it has worked for me and is definitely worth a try.

As a weed smoker in a largely unaccepting country (UK), this diet could be harder for some than others as the work cafeteria beckons and you can’t pop out for a quick smoke to settle your impulses because your manager is watching, but stay strong, once you’ve gotten out of the process of eating when there’s nothing to do or just because other people are then this will be plain sailing.

In summation, enjoy what you eat as to stave off mental illness. MODERATION is key. Finally, smoke your food impulses away.