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Mindset Editing for Stoners

by Augra de Melrose about a year ago in humanity
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2021, the year of feeling better

Creativity takes courage. - Henri Matisse

I have these old habits of thought that keep me from moving forward and progressing toward the life I want. They upset and piss me off, sometimes I cry over ancient history just to, you know, freshen them up. I've created some pretty big belief systems that are just too heavy to carry around anymore but the accompanying habits are far too easy to lean on. Depression and addiction during a pandemic, now there's a combo from hell. It's like perpetually dusting the trophy cabinet of fuckery instead of creating my best life in the lab.

How do I let go of what no longer serves me? Hanging on only gives my power away but what stops me from releasing the cycle? Why can't I let go and trust that things will get better? What am I waiting for? Waiting for my life to change for the better? Waiting for my thoughts to change when I'm focused on the minutiae of the social fabric?

Beliefs. I'm waiting for my beliefs to change according to my expectations. Are they really my expectations? I grew up Puerto Rican Catholic in a Jewish neighborhood in Chicago so there's a shit load of guilt in hi-fi stereo but is it rational? Have these beliefs ever brought me solace?

Hmmm... the Ouija board says, 'probably not'. So, why do I continue to indulge self-destructive habits? Does it really matter why? No, it does not. What really matters is feeling better now. I just want to feel better in order to think better. Thinking better means living better, leveling up to better experiences and choices and ultimately not needing to entertain harmful addictions at all. Restoring balance and wellbeing, that's my jam.

Changing for the better has been a tricky thing for me. It's like learning to drive the energetic equivalent of my first car, a battered 1976 VW stick shift. How do I distract myself from the magnitude of negativity in my line of sight? Where do I need to go and where's the instruction manual?

It requires immersive creativity and a passion for novelty to turn my mind's eye toward the destination. It takes troubleshooting excitement and inspired innovations. Following the breadcrumbs with delight, up and forward. Elevation by intention, designed by my highest good.

It takes courage. And for me, courage requires faith. I want a paradigm shift and the faith to invest in myself with reverent discipline. I want to trust that I do know what I want, that I know what I'm doing even when others don't. I'm more often right than wrong when deciding for myself.

What they think of me is none of my business. Honestly, no one cares more about my life than I do because they're all just trying to live their own lives. Whether they're ride-or-die family or run-and-hide friends, my intention is to roll my way down the higher way to a paradise of my design.

I'm okay with failure. I guess so. As long as I keep getting up and dusting myself off, it isn't really failure, is it? That's the stuff the best creativity is made from.

That and the occasional spliff.

Don't you just love the smell of success?

It smells like new projects, purple pants and feeling better.


About the author

Augra de Melrose

Augra De Melrose is the nom de plume of a very crabby old crank.

The fucking End

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