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Best Situations to Vape

by Potent Staff 6 years ago in satire / list
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The best situations to vape offer new opportunities for the modern stoner.

Vaping has become the most versatile way to get baked. Cumbersome, smelly pipes and lighters have taken a backseat to the easy portability and electronically charged convenience of the vaporizer. What was once reserved for the most limited of conditions has made its way into our daily lives. No longer must we smoke in parking lots before entering facilities, or wait until we are home to get baked. With the breakthrough of vaporizers, there are no barriers determining where you can get high.

The Movies

Photo via Pinterest user Marie -Paule Yamna

Let’s face it—smoking a J in a theater—crowded or vacant is not an option unless you're in a 1970's grindhouse theater. Disregarding the fact that a lighter is a dead giveaway, the smell will fill the room within seconds. The resulting cloud of smoke will float upward and disrupt the projection. But being stoned goes so well with popcorn and a movie; use a vape in the theater and your fellow movie-goers will be none the wiser.

The Zoo

Photo via BBC Earth

Even without bud, the zoo is one of the most magical places out there! Animals from far and wide sit around waiting to be fed; they’re basically taking part in one of the oldest stoner rituals. So why not bring the missing piece? Well... the bustling crowds and heightened security are not accommodating to the stoner's natural instincts. Thus, the vape becomes the perfect choice.

Graduation Ceremonies

Photo via Pinterest user Eleni Arvanitis

Whether you're the student or the proud family member, you will become bored at a commencement ceremony. Sitting for hours as various strangers get up to speak or accept awards would get the best of even the most pensive of stoners. A student would not burn one down as the crowd stares intently at his or her every move—nor would the parent rip his bowl when surrounded by elated grandparents who probably hadn't seen weed since Woodstock. Good thing you brought the vape! Hide it in the sleeve of your robe and hit it while faking a yawn. As a member of the audience, pretend you’re getting a call and take a fat rip before returning to your wife. Be sure to tell her it was a wrong number.

Roller Coasters

Image via FanPop

Whether you’re on the tea cups or Kingda Ka, no light will withstand that pesky wind. Adrenaline pumping in your veins, that J gently nestled between your lips will either fly out your mouth or slide down your throat the moment you begin to shout. An edible could work, but no one wants to be couch-locked at Six Flags. Rip that vape as much as you want while ascending to the heavens or dropping to the bowls of hell!

Your Parents' House

Photo via Parade

Coming home for the holidays is always a mixed bag of emotions. Mom keeps harassing you about your various partners, and Dad wants to know what’s going on with work. The younger siblings keep asking you why you look worse than you did the last time you were home. Even so, it's time to kick back, relax, and resume the position you held for 18 years before being shipped off to the real world. But won't Mom notice the scent of weed lingering in the couch cushions? Have no fear! Whip out the vape and head outside to play with your pet—the true MVP of the family.

Modern Art Museums

Photo via blogspot user Mike Novak

Art has reached a point where a dirty rug on a pole can be considered as striking Michelangelo’s David. Seriously, the stuff one can find in museums often looks like the lovechild of A&E’s Hoarders and an NYC back-alley dumpster. Even with the more traditional work, meaning often gets lost in translation, and even your vast imagination can’t delve into the point behind that vague skeletal-chair-thing over there. The artist had to be on something. So why shouldn’t you use a little extra help, too? Bring your vape, get baked, and go appreciate the abnormal. Sink into the world of surreal that compliments abstract artwork so well. Everyone there is high anyway! They're all just good at hiding it.

The Library

Image via Google+ user Jin Sung Park

Nothing benefits quite so much from weed as the mind, which becomes open to worlds of possibilities when affected by the substance. Libraries are intended to serve a similar purpose. Massive shelves of books upon books filled with brilliance inspire a great deal of wonder. Have your vape at the ready so you may lose yourself in the unique environment undisturbed. As Carlos Ruiz Zafón said, “Every book has a soul. The soul of the person who wrote it and of those who read it and lived and dreamed with it.” So go and dream—with a little extra help for our friend, bud, of course.

Comedy Shows

Photo via QuotesGram

Weed has been called “the laughing drug..." Or at least I called it that—once. Very few people offer powerful spins on humor like comedians. After all, it's their job to be funnier than your friends! Therefore, it's in your best interest to get lit for this kind of experience. However, comedy shows can go on for a while, so you must find a way to maintain your high without becoming too incoherent to understand the jokes. Sneak your vape into the theater and be prepared for the laugh of a lifetime!

Grocery Shopping

Photo via StepFeed

If you're like me, you are grocery illiterate. Walking through one of these places is like tripping on acid while taking a final; everything is really colorful and enticing, but you're not confident in your decisions at all. Why must there be seven different brands of broccoli? If there’s one thing that overcomes all of this food insecurity, it’s the munchies. Choosing food to last the week becomes a matter of determination while high. If you struggle to keep things moving in the supermarket, pull out that vape and get to work. Don’t be surprised if all you go home with is bacon, ketchup, and some Skittles you could have sworn were M&Ms.


Photo via Tumblr user anamorphosis-and-isolate

Don’t lie—you and your friends have always wanted to try it. The thrill of getting high at school is inescapable. But unless your professor's sense of smell is further gone than his sense of humor, you'll fail or get kicked out of class. There must be a way to get the whole room high without raising suspicion. This is as close to being a secret agent as it gets! Wait for the right moment when the professor turns to the board before passing your vape to your friend. Get the whole class in on it for an especially fun and less-than-productive session. Never before has technology offered such opportunities for the youths of academia!

Skiing or Snowboarding

Image via Tumblr user snoked

Nothing compares to being on top of a mountain while basking in the cold, crisp air. The wind whistles in your ears as you take in the vastness of nature’s wonders. You're ready to glide down the slopes, so you don’t have time to huddle up with your friends to create a wind-resistant clump around a single lighter. Luckily, modern stoner technology is concerned with neither temperature nor wind. Get as high as the mountains you're sitting on!

Before an Interview

Photo via GQ

Interviews can be as stressful as meeting your partner’s parents. You want confidence to ooze from you like the cologne you bought for dinner while sitting across from Pops, but your crippling fear of making a mistake is too much to manage. Lucky for you, your vape is in your pocket and the bathroom is right around the corner. Relax and remember that there’s nothing to fear, because you are capable and right for the job!


Image via Tumblr user Leeann Duggan

Weddings are a great place to kick back, relax, and enjoy the ceremony. All of your friends are around, and it’s a day full of carefree celebration—unless you're the bride or groom. If that's the case, then your experience is all of those things coupled with a great deal of stress. As the best man/maid of honor/random friend who was somehow invited, it is your job to quell these outrageous anxieties for the most important couple on the dance floor. Time to get the gang together and help your pal slow down enough to enjoy the day! Hurry them, your vape, and a couple of extra friends into the reception hall's restroom to get things started.

Shopping at the Mall

Image via tour.xaoyo

As the adult version of a playground, the mall is lined with all sorts of potential entertainment. From food, to clothes, and massage booths, most malls have it all. Why not make a day of your next trip? One minute you're in the futuristic labs of the Apple Store, and the next you're examining venetian antiques while surrounded by the scent of fried food from the cafeteria.

The Pax 2 by Ploom is top-of-the-line when it comes to portable vaporizers. This vape comes with four temperature settings, so you can choose the right amount of heat based on the texture and moisture of your weed. The Pax 2 heats up in 30 seconds, and it can be used with no noticeable smell. The product comes with a charger, screens, cleaning tools, and a manual. Pax is also one of the few vapes that offers a ten-year warranty, so satisfaction is guaranteed. Pack it up and keep it with you when you visit the spots mentioned above!


About the author

Potent Staff

A serious group of marijuana connoisseurs always giving back to the community. Peace.

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