A pub crawl except we're stoned instead of drunk

I admit it sounds scandalous, but debauchery isn’t the right word for it.

It’s just fun.

I was aboard one of three luxury stoner-fied tour buses that left Cheba Hut sandwich shop in downtown Denver one lovely morning a few years ago. We embarked on a four hour and twenty minute tour (yes, 4:20).

It included a stop at a marijuana growery where the smell of the plant alone made you feel like you were walking in the clouds.

I got some incredible photos, as you can see here.

I did not actually snap the photo of this bud blooming on a plant, but I watched the guy who did do it. The guy who ran the tour, Ryan, knows just how to expose the shot just right and offered to shoot it with my camera for me. Thank you, Ryan.

We also went to the finest bong shop in the world, Illuzion, where one bong sells for a million dollars and many go for a quarter of a million or more.

We also went to dispensary, after dispensary, after dispensary. And really. How much pot can you smoke or do you need?

But there’s cookies, gummies and truffles, oh my. Edibles, they told me, stick with those — they’ll get you high.

Well, in fact I did all of it, and I feel absolutely wonderful and content and calm. It’s just as it’s depicted: Tour buses with disco lights and music videos on flatscreen televisions, people getting stoned in every way possible.

Bongs, steamrollers, joints; munching on cannabis cheddar popcorn and gummies passed out like peanuts and M & Ms in Red Solo cups at Thanksgiving family gatherings in the 1970s.

They were the pre pre appetizer. Really old school moms used those frosty party mints that melt in your mouth with the peanuts, not M & Ms.

At one dispensary an especially charming budtender said to me, “We have one cookie here, and I ate one once, and it made me giggle so bad I couldn’t interact with the customers.”

My response? “Two of those, please.”

They’re snickerdoodles and they’re delicious.

I booked The Original Denver Cannabis Tour through Colorado Cannabis Tours. I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys marijuana.

The passengers were a diverse group of nice, fun people, of all ages and skin colors and backgrounds. There was absolutely zero alcohol and nobody was the least bit intoxicated in an offensive way.

I could never smoke as much pot all the time as I did today, nor would I want to. But it sure was a fun way to experience America in a way I never would have dreamed possible.

And in the end, as Ryan noted, it really is just a fun, responsible time, with an emphasis on responsible. He admitted we were an especially fun, cohesive, put-together bus, however.

‘If they’re not dancing they’ll turn yellow and wither’

The cultivating facility had tremendously high security. Everyone was inspected by armed guards on the bus before being allowed to enter the facility. Inside, security was similarly tight.

The CEO of Colorado Cannabis Tours gave an intoxicating scientific speech about how cannabis is grown at Medicine Man Denver. There actually are plants that just grow stems and seeds, and they line a long hallway known as “The Green Mile.”

Many celebrities such as Nelly have come to Medicine Man for photoshoots, with the Green Mile being the hot spot.

He said that for marijuana to grow properly it must “be dancing and happy.” He said the key to good growth is having the marijuana always slightly moving in the breeze, or, “dancing.”

He said if “they’re not dancing they’ll turn yellow and wither.”