10 Stoner Problems That Are Easily Solved

by Fred Eugene Park 2 years ago in culture

Here is a list of how to get creative with your stoner problems.

10 Stoner Problems That Are Easily Solved

It is no secret that smoking bud doesn't always go smoothly. Even if you're riding an excellent high, the smallest of issues can shift your mood completely, or get you in some trouble. Luckily, stoners are often a resourceful group, allowing them to come up with innovative solutions that range from convoluted to simple. If you have experienced stoner problems, chances are another person has been through the same thing and found a way around it. Below are 10 relatively common stoner predicaments that can be solved in ways ranging from obvious to surprising.

No bowl? No papers? Don't fret!

We have all been there before. You forget your bowl, or even worse, you drop it on the ground and it shatters to pieces! You don't know how you are going to smoke now, as this was your only smoking vessel. Or is it? Many ordinary household items can be used to form makeshift pipes. Produce comes in handy here, as anything solid that can be drilled or scooped out can be used. The classic example is the apple pipe (though I suspect it would work decently with an upside down pear as well). Made simply by drilling a few strategic and connected holes for the bowl, you will have an intake and a carb for air flow while you smoke. In addition to being convenient, the apple pipe is also environmentally friendly. While it is probably a good measure to own multiple pieces, in case of such a scenario, it is not at all difficult to make your own biodegradable smoking vessel out of fruit.

Your stash is running low.

Other than obviously getting more bud, there are greats ways to conserve your weed stash so that each hit can go further and hit harder. There are certain foods that are widely believed to enhance the way your body absorbs THC. One such food that can get you through your rationing is mangoes. According to leafscience.com, mangoes have a particular terpene called myrcene, which is also found in cannabis, as well as hops (in beer) and some other herbs. In simpler terms, mangoes are thought to make you higher, generally when consumed an hour or two before smoking.

If Your Stash Is Stanky

Obviously cannabis has a strong odor, and some stronger strains can be quite hard to keep from smelling. Whatever your reason, it is often best to know how to cover up the smell of marijuana, and this can be achieved a few different ways. You can layer your stash in several bags. Dryer sheets are also a relatively effective way of masking scent, though not exactly what you want in your lungs. The best household method of hiding the smell is probably the good ole mason jar. The glass of the jar is far more effective at locking the scent in than a plastic baggy (though it is still best to use one on the inside). There is a reason that this method is widespread, because it works well. If you aren't concerned about taking up space, the mason jar is probably the best storage vessel you can use for hiding your stash.

If You Are Stanky

Much like cigarettes, the smell of cannabis tends to linger for awhile before dissipating. As such, it is often exceedingly difficult to rejoin family and other functions after smoking without being found out. For starters, you don't need much more than really strong mints to mask weed breath (though brushing one's teeth is a good measure as well). In terms of one's overall scent, some people often forget that one's clothes are often the source of lingering scent. Deodorant is a given; though it will not magically whisk the smell away, it will do a lot of the heavy lifting. Cologne is another strong option, as it will, more often than not, smell far more pungent than the bud itself. It is best to finish the process by changing clothes, or at least shirts. Since most of the smoke smell clings to your clothing, a fresh change of clothes can really help you stay discreet.

If You Get Dry, or "Cotton," Mouth

A simple problem has a simple solution. "Cotton mouth" is essentially an occupational hazard for many people smoking cannabis. Because bud is dehydrating, it is very common for one's mouth to dry out during a session. It may not happen every time, but when it does, it's a real drag. Just drink water, that is all. Because cannabis is dehydrating, like beer, it is always good to keep some water around when smoking, so you won't spend the whole time thinking about how dry your mouth is. While there is no such thing as a weed hangover, dehydration can cause headaches, faintness, and other mild hangover-like symptoms. All in all, water is always a good call when smoking.

Keeping Track of Your Lighter

They say that no new matter is created or destroyed, but where did all those lighters go over the years? Whether you lost it yourself, somebody took it "by accident," or whatever may have happened in between, cigarette lighters seem to have a way, like guitar picks and pocket change, of disappearing while you’re not looking. Whether your friends are kleptos, or you have shallow pockets, it is mysteriously rare to own a lighter long enough to empty it. For starters, a good rule of thumb is not to let your favorite lighter into the circle, as this exponentially increases the odds that you will misplace it. Accordingly, it is good measure to have a couple lighters at a time so that you will always have a backup. While this solution does require shelling out some change, you probably can't afford to smoke if you can't swing a couple of lighters.

When Your Lighter Gets Wet

Dropping your lighter in water can be a real bummer, especially when you are out in nature or just far away from a convenience store. As you may or may not know, you can usually wait for the lighter to dry out on its own (though this takes quite a bit of time). However, you can actually restore the ignition to most standard, wet Bic lighters by rapidly striking the wheel non-stop until you see sparks and, soon after, a flame. This is the same basic principle cavemen used to create fire, applying friction by rubbing sticks. Because the water doesn’t usually infiltrate the actual chamber, this should create enough friction and heat to get rid of any remaining moisture. This works best on lighters where the safety has been removed, and could cause some blistering otherwise. Though the flame may be slightly weaker at first and may throw off a lot of sparks, it will usually produce a strong enough flame to light from.

What to Do About Red Eyes

Even if you do not partake in the drug, you have probably wondered why people get red eyes from smoking weed. Depending on your intentions, this detail is of varying importance. While the red eye stereotype is certainly common and valid, many more seasoned pot smokers will often have more of the glazed look to the eye than the red. However, this can be just as suspect, if a bit more subtle. If you don’t expect to be grilled by anyone who disapproves of your recreation, you may not really need to worry as much. However, Visine and other eye drops are effective at clearing out bloodshot and glaze from your eyes. Using these in certain situations is fine, however, overuse is not particularly good for you, so it is best to know your situation and plan accordingly. If you have regular experience with cannabis, it will likely take a larger amount to turn your eyes red, due to tolerance. Accordingly, it is best not to get blasted before going out into the world to walk amongst the “muggles.”

How to Avoid Ash Stains

It is all too easy and common to make a mess of yourself while smoking a blunt or joint, especially when you usually use a bowl or a bong to smoke weed. When you are not used to dealing with the falling ash that comes from rolling your stuff, it can be easy to ash on your clothing by mistake. Being a lightweight solid, it is absolutely imperative to treat ash differently than an actual stain. Don’t scrub, rub, or even wet the ash, as this will cause the ash to sink in to the fabric. Though this may not be game over for removing the stain, you have made it into a whole process while the easiest solution is the simplest, as is often true in life. Because the particles are still light and airy, the best course of action is to blow the ash away like you’re uncovering some ancient, dusty treasure.

Did I hit this yet?

It’s no secret that cannabis use is often associated with short term memory loss over time; though, retaining any information is, essentially, bypassed entirely at times when you are actively getting high. When you get into really deep session conversations, it is common to forget what you are doing with the rest of your body. You may find that you are holding the bowl without thinking about it and then come to wonder if you have taken your turn or not. Much good weed has been wasted with this stoner problem. Other than the obvious survey of your companions, there is an easy and philosophical way of figuring it out. In such a situation, it is best to turn to Descartes’ famous deduction, “Cogito Ergo Sum,” (I think, therefore I am). If that question enters your head, you are definitely high, and probably took that hit. Even if you didn’t take it, you clearly took some prior.

Fred Eugene Park
Fred Eugene Park
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Fred Eugene Park

Fred Park is a writer, singer and guitarist with a deep passion for music, sports and history. Fred graduated from Purchase College in 2016 with a BA in history.

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