Writing As A Channel For Sexual Energy

I used to be a hoe

Bless my younger self

I know she was actually unconsciously longing for healthy masculine love

Looking for it in the place society told her she could find it

Through romance & sexual engagement

She just wanted to feel valued & loved

I’ve always been a highly sexual being

Ever since I was a young child

I remember using the shower head to orgasm when I was 13

I would hump my stuffed animals & imagine making out with hot boys

I’m not sure where the hyper sexualization was born

Perhaps my lifetimes of being a sex priestess in previous incarnations

Paired with a highly active flow of kundalini

& an exposure to media in an overly sexualized society

Regardless

I’ve been on quite a journey of learning about the sacredness of my sexual energy

& the intricacies of what happens when we blend our sexual energy with another

I took a vow of celibacy & committed to healing & self discovery

This went on for 3 years

During that span

My sexual energy would build up to insane levels at times

I first started channeling it through self pleasure & dance practices

Putting my headphones in & dancing to sexy music on my yoga mat

Then I started writing about my fantasies

Especially when someone would come into my life that I was attracted to

Instead of acting on that attraction

I would write a song or poem inspired by them

& the intensity of sexual tension would dissolve

I am not someone who blends my sexual energy with just anyone

Not anymore

I require a very strong resonance with someone’s energy

I need to feel that their energy is clean

That they are conscious & in integrity

With themselves & their heart space

I need a strong foundation of connection

That feels safe, respectful, & honorable

Before I open my body temple in such a way

As a single woman, that can leave me without sex for long periods of time

So I find satisfaction in the sexual realms of my writing

It also helps me explore more of my desires

In a way that is innocent

I will never use names in my poems

Because I do not want to project my fantasies onto another

I don’t think it’s right to entangle another’s energy

In my own sexual fantasies

So although my characters are often inspired by those I meet

They will also remain nameless

To take on a new form

Through my imagination

& the imagination of my readers

🌹