Working With Anxiety

I fake smile at myself,

to tame my anxious self.

I listen to lofi,

to calm my wild.

I avoid looking at my reflection,

like a thrift shopper. 

running away from the cashier,

I deep breathe.

in and out,

out and in.

only to find myself losing it.

I call names, Ram,

Jesus and even Mohammad

Questioning whether my far cry

will reach their universe

I try to stay productive,

because I am professional

but what I don't realize- 

my anxious self is 

more professional than i 

it overworks every damn night

I try to count from 1–100

hundred to one

now my counting speed is 

faster than formula one

I go to Spotify, iTunes

And listen to Joe Rogan

But nothing makes sense

To my frosted mind 

I close my eyes

To collect my thoughts

The moment I feel calm

My slack pops up and

my mind starts running around 

I have cried in office restrooms

My Ola and Uber prime

also during my elevator rides

Thought of how it may perish me

But I am still smiling and

Working with my anxiety,

as a colleague, I don't like.