Words That Trigger

I cannot lie

I have not being doing too well

I try to run, but end up back inside my personal hell

I think I’m beginning to find comfort in this cell

But I know I’m supposed to be living some way else

Here they come,

The voices that make everything seem so gray

I hear them telling me that I’m not enough

I lack what could be bought

These crumbling thoughts that blind me to what I’m really not

I try to escape

Can’t take this pain

I get sick sometimes from dancing in this cold rain

I have poison again running through my veins

This vicious cycle I continue to repeat

I find a way to take the focus off of me

“Announcement: Who needs healing?

I’m seeking patients.”

This is another method of ventilation

Forgetting what I should be seeking

I ignore but steady stay preaching

Seeking souls who are in need of leeching

The lessons I know, so I continue to teach them

Yet, I can’t apply them to allow fixing

I try, but then I start reminiscing

Thinking how much easier it would be to get lost in an addiction

My mind exposes the lie that I am

I understand I should know better, but my sinful nature is human

The truth unfolds once I find myself alone at home

At times I cry

Others I nearly explode

Losing control of my actions and voice

Everything eventually takes a toll

These demons know no boundaries

They become loud and nasty

“Shouldn’t I be proud because of how far I have come now?”

I’m drowning

Calling for help

But the only person who keeps drowning me is myself

No one else can save me

It’s dark in the world of a crazy

But my insanity is what keeps me connected to reality

This is sick when the fuck will I learn to quit

Self determination is where it sticks

I know this

I have to keep going

Stop ignoring

Start exploring

The depth of a soul may be forever unknown unless you look from within

Dive into the pain

Feel what you must

It’s all about learning to trust