Wink Fucking Wink

Ye-haw!

Tae the best country that ever did float oan God's green an' blue Earth, Ah salute ye!

250 years is a lang time. Tae be free frae British rule an' subjugation.

Yer maths is as suspect as yer politics. Two hundred an' fifty years? Try adding another 20,000 if we're countin' everybody.

Ye really telt them who wis boss when ye dumped their tea crates intae the harbour.

250 years is a Gloria Stuart, plus a Jimmy Carter, an' a DMX. RIP D. Jimmy C? Ah could care less.

250 years o' haudin' yer ain like the free, independent lassie ye ken ye are. Slay, queen.

No that ye ever stopped tellin' others how tae live.

Thank ye for the American Dream, where everybody can become rich... and everybody can dream about it while payin' the bills.

Thank ye for the fear, panic an' uncertainty. For Hollywood an' burgers. For Ol' Epstein an' his ain Gilligan's Island—where consent checked oot before any other fucker did, an' accountability failed tae dock at aw.

So here's tae America—the main character.

The land o' the free... as lang as ye're the yin decidin' whit freedom is.

Wink. Fucking wink.

Raise yer glasses!

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Thanks for reading! 

This is for Lana's fun, A 4th of July Toast Challenge.