Will My Dreams Ever Come True?

The world may be too much for me.

Am I doing okay?

I don't know…

Why?

I came from a small cave or a small bubble for decades even during the pandemic.

I know I am young-

But still…

Life has always not been easy.

I don't know what the world has meant to me.

I was born in the wrong environment and raised in the wrong, but the poorest state on Earth.

Am I from the wrong planet?

Why has the world always been bleak since the day I was born?

Why am I here?

Why am I still alive while the world is still chaotic?

It's been too much…

I'm not sure how many years I have left.

I have always been broken most of my life...

My life does not seem lovely…

It's always been isolated, cold, controlled, divided, overwhelmed, exhausted, disconnected, lonely, betrayed, & frustrated.

For years, I didn't see myself as a human or even a woman after I had been treated differently like an animal or an alien because I'm more flawed than others.

Am I an object or a toy?

if I was human enough —

I shouldn't have that kind of a major flaw on this planet.

I don't know if I have had any human connections or expressed myself deeply since childhood.

Where is the lightness?

It's always been on and off from light to dark every single day and night…

I don't know if I had a good enough education because of my disorders…

I felt pressured to be perfect and professional if I'm worthy enough as an artist, a writer, etc.

Why Greed?

Why does money always matter?

What should I choose?

Why should it be free of everything without any penny?

I remembered when I downsized as many things as I could to make more money instead of the struggling job I have been doing for not getting paid much.

Am I allowed to use my own body to greed for good?

As a struggling artist, the reality is still cruel from rejection, perfectionism, professionalism, and more…

I know I'm trying to be independent but things are still too much because I'm the broken one in this ableist & greedy society that most people think I can't do.

Or did they scapegoat me that I'm doing this to myself?

If it's true, I wonder if my real dream is death…

Where is hope?

What are my actual dreams that I deserve?

I want to be free.

I want to be loved.

I want to belong.

I want to be seen.

I want to be heard.

I wish others could support me more without being excluded easily all the time…

I would love to date a human(a guy) who's more common, have great spirit, and see just only me without any flaw of this and that

I want to make friends with Voice actors, etc not just for business, but for emotional and social support.

I want to live in the city so that I can feel free no matter how big it is.

Will my dreams ever come true?

Will I stay alive no matter how the world is?

I wonder….

I wonder if they could see clearly that I am human...