Why I Cannot

Every morning I open my eyes,

but I don’t move, I don’t rise.

The light comes in, the world begins,

but something heavy pulls me in.

I try to speak, I try to stand,

but nothing listens, nothing understands.

I am good, they always say,

but good feels lost in every day.

Why am I good if I can’t be strong?

If I feel like I don’t belong?

I smile, I laugh, I play the part,

but sadness builds inside my heart.

Every night I stare at the ceiling,

numb and tired, killing feeling.

I want to scream, I want to shout,

but silence wraps itself around.

I cannot do, I cannot be,

what everyone expects from me.

Why I am good, I wish I knew,

when I can’t move, can’t follow through.

Every morning, every night,

I disappear without a fight.