When the voice fails

Lights — Camera — Action

*

before the moment arrived, I felt like I was about to

conquer the world, or at least the room. I knew what I

was there to discuss, having rehearsed more than I

care to admit.

my train of thought was on time and ready to depart the

station.

but right before the moment, something happened.

that internal heckler came rushing back to destroy any

confidence i had been storing for the occasion.

all eyes were on me, oblivious to the shell shock

buzzing in my head.

its sole purpose: Operation Derailment

my would-be words were reserved to convey an idea...

words that could make a dream come true...

instead, time became a nemesis. eyes remained on me.

each pair held a different expression. i could feel their

silent questions building and burning right through my skull.

what's his problem?

did he forget what he was going to say?

he's pretending, right?

what's that look on his face for?

does he have stage fright?

the task was simple: pitch an idea for an NFL commercial in front of several cameras, a few judges and a host of crew members.

the timer— that once read 2 minutes—was now below a

minute thirty and I hadn't muttered one syllable.

all i could find in the haze of curious faces was the

first few words, having no idea where the rest were hiding.

i was being ghosted by my own work...

verbally stranded without a clue...

the synapses lost their spark and refused to ignite.

...and all I could hear was that tiny, rude voice laughing

in the back of my head—ha ha ha ha ha.

i lingered on thoughts of it happening yet again,

questioning myself—why?

i didn't have time to figure out why.

i needed to try and remember the intro in hopes of

the train resuming to its destination.

the funny thing is: i'm not afraid of speaking in

front of small groups. I enjoy talking to people.

so why do I allow that silly heckler to scramble my

brain in certain situations?

i needed a miracle. i needed a literal kickstart.

i signed up for the local contest for a reason.

i came up with the idea for a reason.

i spent days preparing

for

a

reason.

but all those reasons couldn't stop the moment from

ending in embarrassment.

there were no second chances.

with a minute remaining, i apologized and left.

*

that wasn't the first time my thoughts interrupted

me in front of people I don't know, making me feel

small and unprepared.

thankfully,

it doesn't happen all the time.

but when it does, it becomes a

memory i can live without...