When I Close My Eyes
What happens?
When I close my eyes and focus on my breath,
I don't see what you would traditionally expect to see.
I don't see peace.
I don't see harmony.
I don't see stability.
All I see is myself.
My mind, in my closed eyes,
looks at me
and picks me apart.
Part by part.
Piece by piece,
not allowing any peace to remain.
In the main critical form,
it creates a cynical storm
of insults,
of assaults,
of tear downs,
of swear towns.
The mind won't stop.
It'll always top
the next pop
to my hair,
my clothes,
my face,
my body,
my behaviours,
my hobbies,
my interests,
my beliefs,
my choices,
my loneliness,
my inability to speak,
my self-worth,
my confidence,
my way of walking,
my way of talking,
my everything.
It always finds a way
to tear me away
because it knows me
better than anyone else can see.
It follows me everywhere,
keeping track of the tears,
the wears,
the imperfections,
the corrections
that have yet to be smaller,
this electric collar
on my mind
that's so entwined,
it will never cease
the negativity
the activity
that happens
when I should be napping,
when I should be snapping,
I don't know what I did
to make it get rid
of any self-worth I could have...
That just seems to be the prize
When I close my eyes.
How do I escape the darkness when I close my eyes?
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About the Creator
Matt Martin
Canadian Playwright, Poet, and Performer.
Let's write our own happy ending.
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