What's One Drink?
"I just want to get a buzz."
No, I don’t know how to explain
That when you drink, you make me relive the pain
You feel it’s not as bad as you think
But it is, it’s so bad
That you drink, I get so mad
You drink that first sip, I feel that you-you’re gone
And I am suddenly so alone
I feel disconnected from you, just dead
We’re in separate worlds
My throat becomes tight, life’s in a twirl
No, it’s not a big deal-what you do
It’s only that historical fear of loss is what I go through
Takes only one sip
But that alcohol changes the way you think
You do not know what it feels like to be oh so responsible,
Even though I am mad, I’ll leave on a light
For you.
I’ll never know how to explain
That drink you drink
It has a butterfly effect
On the broken hearted child inside, filled with internal pain
Let’s rewind your mind on how I feel alcohol is defined-
Remembering my mom leaving coherent
Alone, 10 years old, to babysit my little brothers, sometimes others
Hours after hours pass I always thought
“Oh dear, where have you went?”
Kiddos all asleep, I am awake alone
It feels like a week, time goes so slow
There you are stumbling in the door,
Hearing your heels hit the floor
It is 3 am and she goes to turn on her loud ass music
I bawl in my pillow-she always made me physically sick
God damn mom seriously no respect for us kids sleeping
I rather be asleep dreaming
Oh look who she has become
I was so young
No, I didn’t understand
That drinking is supposed to be “fun”
It only made her (still makes her)
Look so stupid
Ha yeah right, she’ll never get rid of it
Cause she’s become fuckin dependent on it
Hey ma, I’ll never forget that time when I was 15
Again at 3 am, I wanted to scream
Through the wall I heard you blaring your music
I hated you did this
I turn it down and said, “I have a test”
She mumbled, “fuck it you always do your best”
You were the blame I got a C
I thought, “look what you’re doing to me”
Til this day she is the reason I hate Kid Rock
It brings back those old feelings of hatred
Even those other kids that lived on my block
Are the ones who can understand all of this
Since when did I become an adult when I should have been a kid?
Since when was I responsible for other lives when you were destroying yours?
Since when am I never allowed to be a kid and follow my dreams?
Oh-ha nevermind.
It never mattered cause all she wanted was to drink and talk shit and chatter with her friends and boom
Their hearts too, shattered
I try to remind myself it really is not her
It is the alcohol it is a disease
All those actions never matched her words
She has become pathetically delirious
No, no, babe you are not her
I’m not trying to be a hypocrite
But I’m trying to save you, you are better off without it
So there , I can say I tried
I am trying to keep our love alive
I feel that you’re even closer
When I know you have been sober
Knowing I can breathe
No hesitation
When you are sober it’s a relief
Knowing I don’t need resuscitation
About the Creator
Jacquelyn Schultz
I am a young woman trying to find my passion.
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