What is real?

"Healing is when you stop telling the story of what broke you and start living the story of what rebuilt you" - BC Serna

I told you, it hurts
all this pain
but you didn't....

wait
it's happening again
spiraling downwards
into the d
     e
    p
    t
    h
     s

What is in this darkness
that despairs me so
Makes me want to hold hands
with a ghost

Simple,
A word that aches in my throat
if it were, then why?

It is dark down here
down here
I can see light up
up there

Grasping,
an uneasy task for me
I choke, heart pounding
but I pull on the rope
pull on the root

A note,
singing songs to me
little birdie
singing gloriously
A distraction that pleases me

but she's angry

little fairy stomping her feet
why aren't you
why am I...

wait
it's happening again
spiraling downwards
into the d
     e
    p
    t
    h
     s

The sun,
bright

I can see it, the light

I know not what to do

I look to you
empty

It's me here
on my own
with the strength to
find my way home
which resides in
only me
and not my
family

not you, nor him

me

take it out, that thorn in your side
it's oozing
with insignificant pride
deadly, let it go

let it go
how do you let things go
why do I always...

wait
it's happening again
spiraling downwards
into the d
     e
    p
    t
    h
     s

I see you, in my dreams
the more empathetic, happy, version
of me
You exist
somewhere
the spunky, uplifting, joyous being
just... being

and when I see I start
Spiraling
     s
  d
    r
     a
   w
 p
U

It feels easy
tapping in
knowing that it exists
somewhere

But how do I
access you
anytime others come around
a dark cloud
envelops me
and I cannot...

wait
it's happening again
spiraling downwards
into the d
     e
    p
    t
    h
     s

Confidence,
not from want
embrace it,
not from need
it laps and folds
just at the knees
and suddenly
I'm praying, to me

Grant me the strength,
don't you see
inside I see it
it's there
it's inside
of me

I can,
I can do anything
I can do anything I set me mind to

Is my mind set
in stone
no
no
oh...

wait
it's happening again
spiraling downwards
into the d
     e
    p
    t
    h
     s

Catch,
myself catastrophizing

Catch,
myself fantasizing

Where is the in-between?

Reality,
What is it,
what is real
how do I trust...

wait
it's happening again
spiraling downwards
into the d
     e
    p
    t
    h
     s

Reality,
honesty
trust what is unfolding
and spiral
     s
  d
    r
     a
   w
 p
U

𝔉𝔯𝔬𝔪 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔄𝔲𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔯

I did not read Paul's poem until after I submitted this one for publication, but it seems we had a similar idea with word play, if you haven't read it yet, his is worth the read, very beautifully sensual: Not Nearly Enough