What I find along the way

I wish to remove the judgment

from the marrow of my bones.

It has seeped so far into my being

at time, I can't distinguish it from the rest.

Judgement of myself

judgement of others.

Spiteful children cut from the same cloth

I wish to expand my selfish mind,

worry less about if I'm enough

or too much

or whatever,

and just show up.

-

I know that every person has an important roll to play.

-

Right now, my roll is finding myself

and healing myself.

Those two things are so tied together.

Two terms describing the same process.

As I navigate the darkened hallways of self,

healing the wounds I find along the way.

I find the pieces of myself I have left behind.

The piece that spoke too loudly,

the piece the lived to0 messily,

the piece that loved too deeply.

All the pieces I have cast aside

in order to to be loved - to fit it - to be better.

I walk through these hallways, leaving them illuminated.

No longer will I live in the dark, fractured and small.

I will leave every last night on,

I will scream at the top of my lungs,

I will paint the carpets and the ceilings and the walls,

I will leave them dripping with color.

I will love so deeply that no one will wonder how I feel about them.

I will not wonder how I feel about myself.

I am whole, and that means, no more casting pieces aside to live in the dark.