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What does chaos sound like?

My thoughts are too loud

By John EvaPublished about a year ago • Updated about a year ago • 3 min read
33

What, does, chaos, soundlike? Isit a combinationof words?

Is it br oken par ts? Isitpushedtogether? Is it far apart?

Maybe.It.Stutters.And.Stops.

This. World, is Chaos abounding. With. Chair. Random words.

My world is your world is my world is yours, and aS These worlds

blendtogether. They form. Chaos.

So how then- how - can- one - escape? HowdoI get out? The pressure builds. At first slow. so. slow. then. fast. faster. until I can't stop the wordsfrom pouring out andcoming together. Theygiveme nothingbut screamingmonotony. And then.

My fingers hit the keys, and suddenly the world fades. Melodies of ivories, blend and cascade into songs, the violence shatters in the sound of silence. My hands scrub the scales, trailing tales, and soaring, like the blind reading braille desperate for the story.

My phone rings and. I can't focus anymore. There's a voice on the other end of the - it's not a line anymore. I want to respond but I'm not alive anymore. anymore. anymore. any. more.

It's my. Family. I say "I'm good." I try to be the person they want. What do they want? Clothes on the floor. Need to pick them up. "What's that? Christmas plans? What month is it? I'll need to save up for a ticket". How many lies have I told?

It's hard to.keep. track: I didn't steal the candy. I cleaned my room. I took out the trash. I ate my dinner. I did my homework. I didn't cheat on the test. I didn't cheat on you. I love you.

Thoughts coming, never stopping. A thousand thoughts a second. Existing is exhausting. For every tick there is a tocking. Seconds never stop. Thirds, fourths, and on, and on, and on.

I play "Boy lost in life", and "A cool autumn day". I play "Praying for you", and "Please stay away." Songs without words, pouring heart into soul, found not in a book, but beauty around. My solace and peace abound in the silence and shades of sound.

I.wakeup. What time is it? Snoozex3 and we're up. Remember to brush your teeth or else. . . dentistry is expensive, moisturize out the door. You'll get to work fine, play the radio so loud it drowns out all the thoughts. You forgot your wallet at the house. HOWCOULDYOUFORGETTHEONETHINGYOUNEED. THISHAPPENSEVERYTIME. WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH A STUPID BRAIN. This game, happens once a week and every day. All the same. It's a crushing way of living, and I live it all the same.

Hello. How are you? I'm good. That's great. Hello. How are you? I'm good. That's great. HelloHow are you? I'mgood. That'sgreat. Hellohoware you I'm good that's. great. Hell. O. I'm. great. Hell. you. I'm great. Hell. Great. I'm good. I'm good. I'm not good. So tired.

How many more days will be like today what's the actual difference between Tuesday and Wednesday besides the dumb spelling Thoughts dont know the difference between the weekend and weekdays Hearts fail to discern love and loss and pain period

I don't play songs I find them, hidden in the keys, lost in memories. They reveal themselves to me, locked in thick nostalgia my fingers the pick. It's only hammers hitting strings mundane, but the simplicity keeps me sane. When my world is wild and abusive, my fingers scream in the music.

My world suddenly fades as my fingers hit the keys.

artslam poetrysurreal poetry
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About the Creator

John Eva

I just like writing.

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Comments (27)

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  • Caroline Janeabout a year ago

    So fresh and authentic. I feel I have climbed around in your mind! Great poem. ❤️

  • Bernadette Johnsonabout a year ago

    This is great! I love the word chaos. And having ADHD, I can totally relate to this.

  • Donna Morgan about a year ago

    Fantastic John this describes so many elements of my writing too. I love my fingers hit the keys and suddenly my world fades . Yes yes yes . Thank you I felt all of th8s .

  • Sarah Loydabout a year ago

    Amazing! That was so unique!

  • Novel Allenabout a year ago

    That is exactly how most days feel. Chaos, Love the crazy punctuation. Check out my 'Insanely, madly me and free poem'. Thanks for reading. I am subscribing to read more of yours.

  • Colleen Millsteed about a year ago

    Wow this is awesome and describes my weekend I just had. Love this John.

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  • Mariann Carrollabout a year ago

    Wow 🤩

  • Lena Borondiaabout a year ago

    This was absolutely phenomenal. A masterpiece of art. I'm curious how long this took you. Was this one of those you thought on for hours, days, weeks, perfecting it? I would think it was because of how absolutely magnificent it is in its timing to the music you chose to accompany it, the formatting, the emotion, the never-ending questioning of experience, life, feelings, the raw and universal truth in it. The relatability -- the remarkable level of how much I read this and suddenly don't feel quite as alone in the world, as strange and weird, because your words are my thoughts. All of it together, so flawless, and the music you chose just shattered me as I read. My heart racing all the way through, building as you built the depth of your arguments, as you unveiled the depth and rawness of the feelings. And then it just dies out and fades into the music as your last line hits. THIS is every writer. THIS is every person. Magnificent! And somehow, I know that even though it seems like you must have worked on this for forever to get it so good, it also seems like you must have just sat down and inspiration striking, you let your soul flow with the music as some of the best pieces are the ones where we just lift the boundary and let the words flow out like breath. Chaotic but natural breath. Stunning. (Sorry so long... this hit me hard at the right time)

  • Cathy holmesabout a year ago

    This is brilliant. Well done

  • Michele Jonesabout a year ago

    This is so relatable. How life is, and how we cope. The way you used words, smashed together, split apart, punctuated where we don't think it should be. Excellent.

  • Vivian R McInernyabout a year ago

    John, The way you took intentionally messed up the spacing and punctuation to create chaos is clever and the surprise rhymes like My solace and peace abound. . . feels calming. The phone conversation feels so authentic and the comfort of playing music is lovely.

  • The Dani Writerabout a year ago

    This is so powerful! Blown away because of the unfiltered you coming through. Genius!

  • I love this so much. This is what executive dysfunction feels like, sounds like, kicks you in the teeth like and I'm so glad someone else said it 🖤 thank you!

  • Veronica Coldironabout a year ago

    It's so samely different to exist in monotony every day accepting life as chaos when in reality we conflict with it trying to pluck shards of order out of it. As a singer/songwriter, musical type I found the order and movement of the music beautifully matched to the ebb and flow of the prose. This was very well written and has certainly found itself in my top five favorite poetry pieces of all time. In good company with a few of the literary masters. GREAT work with this! I'm subscribing!

  • S.R. Varabout a year ago

    Your writing is honest, which makes this all the more relatable. I absolutely loved this.

  • Jordan Twissabout a year ago

    I really like the way you capture the chaotic monotony of life here, as well as the few moments of respite, comfort, and calm. Very well done, sir!

  • Heather Hublerabout a year ago

    Wow, this was absolutely brilliant! From the music, to the pacing to the grammar choices, there was so much to love and relate to. Amazing work.

  • Babs Iversonabout a year ago

    Impressive!!! Fabulous chaos sounds!👏😊 Subscribed & 💖💕

  • Anastasia Basilabout a year ago

    Wow. Positively loved this. "It's a crushing way of living, and I live it all the same." -- I relate.

  • Angel Whelanabout a year ago

    This is brilliant! I so want to hear you perform it, I feel it would shine even brighter if it was a spoken piece. The assonance and the timing, all perfection.

  • J. S. Wadeabout a year ago

    Awesome. What a great poem. Wow.

  • Bri Craigabout a year ago

    Incredible! I loved the way that you used punctuation and spaces in your lines, it truly made me feel more inside of the emotions of this poem!

  • Ashley Shiflettabout a year ago

    Wow! This is phenomenal. Very well done!!!

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