What Alone Is

I always thought love was meant for picket fences and lawns

A place where residence is key and the key locks

But I’ve had that love, found myself lost inside of it

My mom always said, your nature is nurture

build a house and fill it

with a wife and kids

I built a house too strong for the light to shine through

Where the key rusted and fell

Cracked open the door

Let a new light in

On the night we broke up

We danced together

Not a slow dance

No, we dance partied

Not because we were happy

but because we were so filled with love

We are shapeshifters transforming to the rhythm of time

A scrabble game no one else can figure out

Mom says you will find it again

But what if that's not the love I want?

I don’t want to follow the lines everyone draws for me in their heads

I’ve spent enough time trying to balance between them

My line is more of a zig-zag

My love more like the sun

With a gravitational pull that can hold many hands

Keeping planets warm as they orbit around me

I always thought love was found and love was lost

with the slightest creak of the door

But that creek is not an exit

It is an entrance to the heart

a new relationship, none the same

Same in place

We grew up, broke up, but didn’t fall apart

I call you and tell you about a girl I’ve met

I text you to say I love you

I can spend hours talking to you about the meaning of the stars

I will hold you in the night if you need me to

I also let others in

So before you draw the lines for me, know this

Alone is not lonely

Noise is not a catalyst

I am home in my body

And this home is filled with more love than a house