We Were Too Little

I saw you across the crowded store

Our eyes met

And for a moment

I saw recognition on your face

And the same desire

Burning in you

To run to me and embrace

But instead you turned away

W a i t !

I shouted and ran after you

You turned back and I

f

e

l

l

At your feet upon my knees

Tears streaming down my cheeks

Not caring who watched

P l e a s e

Please, I miss you

Just one moment

One conversation

please

Don't you ever think of us?

Of all we shared together?

R e m e m b e r

The nights of hide-n-seek

in the dark

When we knew the monsters

Lurking in fields and shadows

Were safer than the one

in his heart

R e m e m b e r

The sleepovers on the trampoline

When we giggled

and watched stars

Streaking across the night sky

Telling stories

of ghosts and aliens

Until we shivered from fear

yet

Still felt safer there

Knowing the real danger was

Far away at your house

R e m e m b e r

The long summer days splashing

In the pool

Or playing at the lake

Pretending he didn't watch us

Make-believing the only monsters

Lurked beneath the waves

I wonder

if we talked about it then

If I didn't make up a different

reality to keep him out

Would it be different now?

It isn't fair

All the precious things he stole

He took our dignity and innocence

He tainted trust and distorted love

He ripped away our boundaries

And silenced all our no’s

He shattered our security

And shredded our sense of self

He twisted every precious memory

Of a sunny beautiful childhood

Into a dark and haunting nightmare

In the end

Of all he stole from me

What hurts the most is losing you

Once we were like sisters

I understand

you had to build your walls

You had to run away to survive

Will you ever understand why

I buried my head

I hid from the truth

that threatened

To devour me

Because

I was too little

We were all too little

Can you ever forgive me

I'm sorry I wasn't stronger

It was worse for you

I know that now

I know you tried

to keep it from us

By doing what he said

And I had a home

with real love

And true safety

Where you could only visit

It was worse for you

And so you ran away

and left us

And none of us understood

Until it was too late

What we should have said to you

When we were little

But we were too little

Until it was too late

And so I imagine

seeing my lost friend

Across a crowded store

And finally getting to tell her

All the things

I can never really say